The Big Three - O
08 September 2011 | Watch Hill, RI
Forlorn Dede, leaving Ocean House
SEPTEMBER 5: Today is a momentous day marking two major milestones - 30 days on board and 30 years married. As a respite from the confinement of the boat and as a huge splurge we are spending two decadent days at the opulent Ocean House in Watch Hill, RI. This statuesque landmark hotel perched on the hill, distinctive, recognizable and visible from miles off, was completely rebuilt from the ground up to replicate the original gilded age grand hotel on this site. Reopened only a year ago, the hotel is inviting, pristine and impeccably appointed and we are (oh so) ready to be pampered. Our room is massive - easily twice the interior space of the boat - with a fireplace, sofa, multiple lounging chairs, a bar and even a soaking tub. Our deck overlooking the Atlantic rivals the size of our lanai back home. Not that we can use the deck. It has rained since we got here, but that too is perfect - what better place to be perfectly safe, dry and snuggled in.
SEPTEMBER 7: We have not stepped outside since we arrived two days ago. We are just reveling in reading in our massive room, soaking in the massive tub and relaxing in the massive spa. I confess - I have not been very green - Since arriving I have taken a total 5 piping hot showers, 2 neck-deep tub soaks and 1 pore-clearing steam. We have eaten every meal - breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea, cocktails, dinner, and bedtime snack - in different rooms in the resort. My daily use of the gym (no dinghy needed, thank you very much) is as welcomed as our heaven-sent massages. While these experiences would be enviable at any time, relative to life on the boat their pleasure is amplified and, hence, savored beyond measure. These 48 hours may go down as our most pricey married hours ever and it is absolutely worth it.
SEPTEMBER 8: OR is it? Is it better to have been pampered and plucked than never to have been pampered at all? We are back on the boat...and it is pouring. Of all of the adjustments, I find the confinement of the boat my biggest challenge: the space is so fixed and so small and the distance from land, while variable, is so certain. I deal pretty well with these limitations when the weather is good and the ports enjoyable - I sun (or bundle) and read while we sail, we go ashore on foot or by bike, we grill in the cockpit, we sleep with the hatches ajar to feel the cool night air. But when the rain sets in it just about kills me. Writing this blog has been a blessing because it can pass long hours, if I let it or I need it to, as I attempt to cope with difficult, uncomfortable sails or long, tedious spells of rain.
But today it's just not cutting it, coming as we are off of this amazing 30th anniversary celebration. It is the fourth day of rain - it spit the first three, but we were snug as a bug in the Ocean House. Now we are into downpour, complete with lightning and thunder for added emphasis. We are confined to the boat anchored here in Watch Hill as we wait for yet another Hurricane to pass - this time Katia will pass far east out in the Atlantic but nonetheless she brings 12 foot swells into Block Island Sound...so we hunker down. Under such wet conditions, the hatches always leak a bit, the windows steam up, the sheets hang heavy, my body aches and the air weights me down. Out the misty windows, as if to taunt me, I can see the yellow edifice of the Ocean House up on the hill appearing like a mirage in my cabin-fever delirium.
I have made it 30 years married and yes, I have made it 30 days on board, our loving investment in the former making possible the accomplishment of the later. Do I have another 30 days in me? I had benchmarks to carry me this far - getting to Maine, vacationing with the kids, visits with family, these big anniversary plans. What will hold me here now? I am weary, but weary for what? I sense that somewhere nascent and deep inside that reconciling this confinement issue is a growth opportunity for me. After all, I am here because this is the lifelong dream of the man I love; surely I love him more than my petty need for what I cling to as comfort! Yes, I do not want to be a kill-joy prima donna but today, frankly, I feel like a pissy spiritual failure.
Notably, ironically, maybe even cosmically, here is what my favorite meditation book, "The Book Of Awakening" by Mark Nepo, had to say in today's - September 8th - reading:
"...a man ...built a home on a cliff by the sea, only to have a month-long fog roll in. He cursed the place and moved away, but a week after he'd gone, the fog cleared. Being human, we all have fogs roll in around our heart, and often, our lives depend on the quiet courage to wait for them to clear".
Thank goodness I can sit with my courageous husband of 30 years, this man I love deeply, to wait for the fog to clear...and maybe, just maybe, make it another 30 days.