Birvidik

I have been asked by a number of people, most of whom I suspect to be either idiots or congenital masochists, to expand on the conversational gambits used in establishing a position within the yottie pecking order, as briefly alluded to a couple of blogs ago.

This is both simple and complex. It is simple in that status among yotties is determined by only two criteria, namely liveaboard experience and proficiency in the many and varied skills essential to successful cruising. It is complex in that it is considered very bad form to brag about ability or experience in any fashion. Relative status is therefore established by a delicate verbal dance of reticence and self-effacement, garnished with a jus of understatement and litotes.

References to any life prior to cruising are also subject to the same rules. Enquiries regarding previous occupations are shrugged off with a dismissive wave of the hand and the implication that it was all a period of rather tedious and pointless inconsequence. Thus, you will hear airy affectations such as "Oh, I used to do a bit of work in retail." (I was the CEO of a major supermarket chain), "I used to help out the local bobbies" (I was a world-renowned forensic scientist, consulted by police forces and governments across the globe), "I daubed a bit of paint about" (I've just had a major retrospective at The Tate), and "I was just a bean-counter" (I was recently awarded the Nobel Prize for economics for single-handedly preventing global financial meltdown in 2008).

Don't let that fool you though, this game is played for high stakes and the yotties taking part play to win. It follows similar ritual formalities to those found when animals such as bull elephant seals confront each other over territory, food or mates and that is because it serves the same purpose; namely to establish the appropriate rank and privileges whilst, as far as possible, avoiding unnecessary injury. Should such injury occur in animals it is often real, physical and occasionally fatal. Among yotties the injury is primarily to the pride, but it hurts all the same.

So, when two yotties meet for the first time, the game is on. It begins with a wary conversational mutual circling, the verbal equivalent of a couple of strange male dogs meeting for the first time on neutral territory. The opening gambit involves the selection of the subject. This usually comes down to either a comment on the type of boat, the weather, or (and this is probably the favourite) anchor types and anchoring techniques. Let us look, then, at a stereotypical Introductory Coded Exchange between two yotties (let us call them East and West) meeting for the first time:

East eyes the anchor on West's bowroller.

East: "How do you find the Rocna?"

West: "Yes, it is similar to the Rocna, isn't it, but it's actually a Manson" (Love 15)
"Which have you got?"

E: "Oh us - we've got three, one for rock, one for sand and one for weed." (15 all)

W: "Which do you use for weed?"

E: (warily) "A fortress"

W: "We tried one of those but found it damaged the coral in the Red Sea" (15 - 30)

E: "Funny that, we found it fine on the Barrier Reef" (30 all)

W: "We always wanted to go to the barrier reef, but had to divert to Vanuatu when we were caught out in Typhoon Emily. All a bit of a bore, really." (30 - 40)

E: " Oh Dear, Poor you. Make an unlucky call on the weather and find
yourself in the wrong quadrant of the storm?" (Deuce)

W: "No - we were outrunning it but were hit by a sperm whale in the middle
of the night. It took me two days in the water to fix the steering gear
while we lay a-hull." (Advantage W)

E: "Well good on you. In all our quarter-century of living aboard we've never
even seen a sperm whale, let alone been hit by one" (Deuce)

E: "No, the most annoying thing we experienced was having to fight off the
polar bears with a Stanley knife and a pair of nail clippers when we
were ice-bound in the Bering Straits overwinter." (Advantage E)

W is speechless and double faults (Game, set & Match to E)


Henceforth, West is East's bitch.