Robert is the hardest of the crew for me to characterize. With Jim I feel potential for a real friendship. With Ed I am entertained by his presence and inspired by the youthfulness with which he burrows into his old age. With Robert I'm wary. One particular incident sticks in my craw and I'm not as good at forgiving people as I'd like to be.

Robert's generally friendly enough and comes with a good set of skills that are built on solid experience. Though I haven't probed for details, he's spent quite a bit of time crewing on Pacific transits of various sorts and durations. That and the fact that he volunteered to do all the provisioning and cooking convinced me he'd be a good man to have aboard.

The proof of Robert as an asset for the cruise had been delivered several times over by the time we got really serious and departed Neah Bay. He deserves great credit for organizing and doing the lion's share of the leg work to provision the cruise. His skills in the galley, though unashamedly heartless when it comes to the clean-up crew, were way beyond expectations. His meals were unerringly delicious and healthful and he modestly took our appreciation in stride. He was right on top of caring for the stores, too, religiously checking the fruits and vegetables for spoilage and rearranging things to keep problems from spreading. Wonder of wonders, he cooked fresh bread on a regular basis! From tortillas to flatbreads, from rolls to an impromptu cake celebrating Ed's 79th birthday at sea. All absolutely amazing morale boosters for a weary crew.

It was during our unplanned mid-cruise respite in Bandon that things came to a head between me and Robert. Robert's girl friend, Karen, had driven down from Seattle to meet us and he had basically disappeared with her while we worked to solve a couple of problems on the boat. Some personal issues had apparently cropped up for them and Robert may rightfully have been distracted from contributing to our efforts aboard Mabrouka during that haitus.

Beyond a couple of minor convenience/comfort issues I wanted to take care of, our primary concern was an electrical problem that kept us from charging batteries properly. I'd reconnected this and that in transit and managed to get us by, but a real solution was evading me. Though not alone in voicing his concerns, Robert emphasized his worry that a primary system upon which other primary systems depended (primarily the autopilot, duh) was not functioning properly. This is where I got the distinct impression that this valuable crew member had a real knack for identifying and maintaining focus on issues, ...but not on solving them.

So, it came to Sunday night, the night before our eventual departure for the final leg to San Francisco. I'd been working for two days straight performing the nautical version of pushing a rope up hill, i.e. pushing a halyard up a mast. Solutions to the electrical problem had not come easily and were not assured, but things seemed okay. Most of the other odds and ends had been addressed, too, but all had come with a fair level of stress and I was dog tired when Robert finally showed up at the boat around 7 or 8 pm. With everyone together, I tried to give a briefing on the situation and gather input from the crew.

The denouement of the meeting turned on Robert's insistence upon bringing us back again and again to basic points that we were all already in agreement on, refocusing the conversation on worries rather than solutions. At the same time, he insisted that our planned departure the following morning was news to him. Well, that may well have been God's own truth since he'd hardly been around to discuss, or even hear rumors of the decision. Though I was later corrected, I didn't remember a Tuesday or Wednesday departure ever having been seriously considered. Anyway, I reacted to Robert's surprise by saying something like, "Well that just isn't so!" Almost those exact words. Robert's response was to launch the F-bomb at me and start in on a tirade that implied he was more concerned for the welfare of the boat and crew than I was.

Well, I blew up and pretty much of a shouting match ensued in which neither of us made a positive impression on the other. I am ashamed to recall that I actually went so far in my anger as to tell him to get his stuff and get off the boat. As the decibel level went unabated I realized that one of us had to clear the impasse, so I stopped and let Robert vent. After he'd made his points the third time with never lessening animation, I finally asked him if he was finished. Apparently he was finished enough, so we actually moved on and we decided that we were in good enough shape for departure around seven the next morning.

Robert returned to Karen and their hotel room after the meeting, planning to see her off on her oh-dark-thirty departure back to Seattle in the morning, agreeing to be back with the rest of us by 5 AM to get the boat ready to go. He was apparently anxious and/or unclear enough to come back to Mabrouka at 11 PM to interview me again in my bunk about the solution to our electrical problem. He must have been satisfied because he did show up the next morning.

My sleep was disturbed through the night by regret at having lost my temper and by worries that I could not move forward with a crew member that felt he could challenge my authority as skipper and owner on the boat with foul language and a loud voice. With everyone back on the boat in the morning and nominally ready for departure, we were settled in around the salon table at about 5:30 and I took the opportunity to set things straight.

What Robert had reacted to seems to have been my attempt at keeping the conversation moving forward, taking my statement that we'd gotten his message as an attempt to shut him up. After apologizing for losing my temper, I said that, though it was never my intent to stifle anyone's opinion, I had needed to get the group to a decision. I assured them that I valued each and every one of them for their insight and that I had invited them aboard Mabrouka for the express purpose of filling in gaps in my own offshore experience. However, I emphasized, I am the only person aboard the boat that is indispensable, that Mabrouka would go no where without me, and I would not be engaged by anyone aboard my own boat the way Robert had the previous night. If anyone had an irresolvable personality conflict with me that they could, indeed, go right on home.

Though I never got an apology from Robert, it seemed I'd obtained a degree of acquiescence, so move on we did, making our first attempt to depart Bandon that morning soon after 7 AM with the full crew intact and with only one false start due to fog. Robert and I got on well enough for the rest of the trip to San Francisco but, from my side anyway, relations felt pretty cool and only warmed up a little in the last day or so. At goodbyes Friday, Robert seemed genuinely appreciative of having been on the cruise and wished us well for the remainder. I'd recommend his experience, skill and participatory vigor to anyone, especially if you're looking for a solid watch stander and good, hearty meals in tough sea-going conditions. More than enough said.