Photo: Dagmar & Peter SY Iltis

Dear Peter

I have been giving this matter of your illness a great deal of thought, usually whilst peering through the bottom of my beer glass that's never quite empty. I'm beginning to see a solution to all of this madness and I think you should give a good idea of mine some serious consideration. But first I must tell you a story about my good friend Bob.....

I first met beautiful Bev over 35 years ago. Sometime later she married an unconventional Englishman, Bob, who also became my very good and dear friend. Before I tell you the rest you have to understand that Bob is a very intelligent man who is a well respected lecturer in Economics at our Nottingham University. You need to remember this. A good while after their marriage Bev was given little chance of surviving a tumour found in her head and the two major operations to remove it. She did not live.

I have to tell you that my very good friend Bob had no faith in Bev's expert medical team, preferring instead his own cures for her illness. This was because Bob is a huge believer in the power of the internet (he once confessed to me after more than a few beers that he himself invented the internet). Through the internet, Bob eagerly spent many thousands of pounds on such things as shark's cartilage (to mix into Bev's food) and specialist Raditech devices to divert the earth's lay lines he was convinced were killing her. But, more importantly, he also discovered Nonie Juice, a little known method of treating tumours which could be bought at a special price of only £1,000 per litre. Bob purchased over 10 litres for an extra special discount. To explain to a layman such as yourself, Nonie Juice comes from the fruit of the Nonie Tree. The tree is very rare and only grows in one secret location on a remote Pacific island. But once Bob had sold his soul to purchase the limited supply of this juice, the big difficulty facing him was how to introduce it into Bev's dying body. Being an intelligent man he came up with a very clever plan to do this. Bob's plan was to enter the hospital ward in the dead of night and, whilst his good friend Dave was keeping watch to ensure no doctors or nurses were about, disconnect the intravenous drip from the unconscious patient and substitute a Nonie Juice drip instead of the medicinal saline that some doctors feel is more useful to life. This ingenious and cunning plan was carried out successfully over several nights....

I know all of this may sound rather bizarre to you but I must tell you that Bob truly believed Bev would be rid of her illness and the Nonie Tree would be her salvation. And now, through my very good friend Bob, I have some excellent news! I know the whereabouts of the only known Nonie Juice tree. The tree is growing beside a fresh mountain stream on a remote Pacific island not too far from where Sänna is now moored. I have in my possession an old map with a very distinctive cross which marks this location. It is the only map known to exist. And, like Bob, I have a plan for my very good friend Peter. My plan is this....

You and I take your sailing ship Iltis and together we sail to this secret place. But, instead of all of this sneaking around hospital nonsense in the dead of night, we will connect and plug you directly into the Nonie Tree. We can stay on this beautiful island for many months if need be until you convince me you are cured. I can arrange for dancing girls, cheap DVD entertainment and, during the dark nights, we can relate our favourite disaster tales of Romeo and Lucy aboard Meau De Mare whilst drinking our preferred local beer. And because Dagmar loves you so very dearly she can visit often, providing she promises with her signature signed in her blood that she will never divulge the location of this treasure island. By being beside my good friend Peter we can monitor your progress by checking the flow of juice directly from the tree. I am convinced this plan will work because I have been giving it a great deal of thought....

Please, I ask that you think about this my dearest friend Peter? We can talk about my plan some more whilst drinking your good German beer when Marie and I come to see you very soon. When we have discussed everything we can laugh and joke again and make our plans to sail Iltis secretly eastwards into the deep Pacific....

I need you to do this Peter. I need you to know there is a way out of this madness.....

Your good friend Dave x

Email 22nd May 2010

Peter Kienast. Sailor and Geologist. 1962 - 2010.
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