Thirty years ago, on April 23rd, Key West and the rest of the Florida Keys declared themselves the Conch Republic and succeeded from the United States. The event that led to the succession was the US Border Patrol deciding that in an effort to curb illegal immigration from Cuba they would set up a check point at Homestead. For those not familiar with the Keys it is important to realize that there is only one land route out of the Keys. The check point, or blockade if you’re a resident of the Keys, resulted in traffic backups several miles long.
Lead by Key West Mayor, Dennis Wardlow, the Keys went to Miami and demanded an end to the blockade, which in effect required that US citizen leaving the Keys had to prove their citizenship if they wanted to go to mainland Florida. The courts did nothing to change the situation so Mayor Wardlow declared the Keys an independent nation, the Conch Republic, and seceded from the US. He then promptly began the Conch Republic’s Civil Rebellion by breaking a loaf of Cuban bread over the head of a man dressed in a US Naval uniform. The rebellion lasted one minute before Prime Minister Wardlow surrendered and demanded one billion dollars in foreign aid and war relief funds to help rebuild the nation after the long siege.
Thus began the Conch Republic and while the government never paid the billion dollars or acknowledged the rebellion, the blockade did come down. Since then the Keys have celebrated their independence every year with a weeklong celebration. If you are lucky enough to be born in the Keys you can consider yourself as being a person with dual citizenship, American and Conch Republic. If you are born here you are a Saltwater Conch and those who have spent more than seven years can consider themselves Freshwater Conchs.
Although some believe that only Key West is considered the Conch Republic, in reality all of the Keys are part of the Conch Republic. Key West is the capital of the republic. Skeeter’s Last Chance Saloon, located in Homestead, is recognized as the northern border of the Conch Republic. This was the original location of the blockade in 1982.
As we sit here, actually we’ve been working in the boatyard all last week, we’ve been coming up with ways to know that you are living in the Conch Republic. With all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy, here is what we’ve come up with so far:
If you look around and see more men with ponytails than women with ponytails you might be living in the Conch Republic.
If walls are optional at your local restaurant/bar you might be living in the CR.
If your dress shoes are black, leather flip flops you might be living in the CR.
If you own more fishing rods than socks you might be living in the CR.
If bright yellow, pink, pistachio green, and purple are considered neutral exterior paint colors in your neighborhood you might be living in the CR.
If 90% of all your directions include highway A-1 you might be living in the CR.
If you notice more pirate and dive flags than American flags you might be living in the Conch Republic.
If the only hills around involve a bridge you might be living in the CR.
If most road kill are iguanas rather than mammals you might be living in the CR
And finally, if your busboy is 45 and you’re not surprised, you might be living in the Conch Republic.