Has it really been 16 years (correction, 15 years) since our world in the US changed with a stunning, surprising, unbelievable attack on home soil by ruthless and dangerous intruders? Like Kennedy's assassination, there isn't an adult in our country who doesn't remember where they were when the first plane struck. I was at work and had just wrapped up with an early morning couple. One of my partners stopped by my office after the clients left to tell me what happened and I thought he was joking. The look on his face and his words, "I wish I was" said it all. My next appointment no-showed. I called him, an attorney in international affairs and he said "I'm not coming, I figured you wouldn't have expected me". Looking back, I don't know why I did. My next appointment also cancelled and I was glad to have some time to myself before the afternoon. I drove to my step-daughter's middle school and checked in with her. Thankfully she was oblivious and unconcerned as the staff had not yet decided how to deal with breaking the news to the students. Her biological mom was across the country and I worried about her flying home. My step son was safe in high school but later wondered why I didn't check in with him as well. I couldn't explain my decision. I went home and urged Ed to come home. There was no reason other than the world felt frightening and I wanted him close. Later in the day I returned to work and saw three clients. The first of the afternoon, who had a relative living in NYC didn't want or need to talk abut the attacks at all. I was surprised but it was his money and his hour and although I think I used this in some sort of therapeutic intervention I decided it was fairly typical of his problems and consistent with his general world view. Grist for the mill. I don't remember much else except the difficulty I had keeping my reactions separate from his. That's not always easy for a psychotherapist when tragedy hits. We are, after all, not so different from one another. My next client wanted to talk about nothing but the attacks. It was a relief in a selfish sort of way. Another client called to see if she should come or cancel the appointment. She decided to come on in but I don't remember whether it was a wise decision. It was hard to concentrate. Although I was primarily a couples therapist, I didn't have any scheduled after my early morning session, only individuals. That was a blessing, actually.

For several days after that when I walked in the neighborhood with whichever dog we had at the time (perhaps we had two), I was struck by the utter silence created by the grounding of all flights. Our house was just 20 miles or so from the international airport so we were used to hearing one plane after another and the quiet blank sky was eery, unsettling and surreal.

Ed, Luna and I left 10 years later for our cruising adventure and mostly the September 11 anniversaries came and went without much fanfare. We lived outside the US much of the time, with cruisers from many nationalities. We didn't listen to the news and read no newspapers. It was a much-needed reprieve but now it occurs to me it is one of the many differences we encounter living on land. So many differences.