Ahoy, you Landlubber scum!

Listen up you worthless scurvy rats. Now that we've gotten rid of Captain Morgan and that wench wife of his and, oh yes, that sniffle nose kid that is always complaining about school, we be taking over this tub they call a yacht and turning it into a real pirate ship. It's time to really pillage and plunder. We only have a few days to wreck havoc on this place and we are going to make the most of it.

The first order of business is to take a picture of me and my crew to hang up in our pad in Tortuga. That's me, Captain Jack Tar on the left. Next to me is Pablo Cruise, our First Mate. He's a weird bird for sure. Then there is Lucky, our Master-at-Arms. Don't worry, his bark is worse than his bite. Arrrr. Next is Teddy, the bowswine. Last time he was at the wheel I think he steered us over the edge of the earth. Hopefully, he will do better this time. Then we have a whole crew of these funny looking short guys. For some reason they all have the same name, "M.". Next is Goldie. There has always been something fishy about him. Last is Seaweed. All he does is float around on his back cracking oyster shells. Arrrr.

Ok, Teddy, it's about time to run a pair of the Wench's bloomers up the yard arm and get underway.

Ah, Captain, do we have a yard arm?

Arrrr.

Well, raise the anchor, set the topsails.

Ah, Captain, maybe we should just shiver our timbers first.

Arrrr.

How about you taking a long walk off a short plank?

Arrrr. Being a pirate captain ain't what it used to be.

Avast (whatever that means), prepare to be boarded. We're coming after your Christmas booty!

Arrrr.

BTW, we have heard that the Captain and First Mate, along with the Cabin Girl are in some place called Champaign. Sounds like they got tired of rum and left to find the good stuff!