The Book of Joy
20 February 2017
I am currently reading a brilliant book by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu called "Joy". Desmond Tutu flew to India to spend a week with the Dalai Lama to celebrate his 80th birthday and to produce this book, as a gift for others. Desmond Tutu was rather Ill, as his prostrate cancer had returned and his body was slow responding to the experimental drugs he was taking. He was asked how one can find joy when he had been given such bad news. He answered, "This is painful (mentally) and you must acknowledge the pain, but even in the midst of that pain, one can recognise the gentleness of the nurse who took your blood; the kindness of the doctor who delivered the news. You will feel anguish and fear, but it helps to look away from yourself." The Dalai Lama jumped in at this point and affirmed what the Archbishop was saying, "too much self centred thinking is the source of suffering, but a compassionate concern for others' wellbeing is a source of happiness". They also said that we can not have joy without suffering and pain, as that is what allows us to experience and appreciate joy more deeply. " Indeed, the more we turn towards the suffering of ourselves and others the more we can turn towards the joy. We can accept them both, and turn the volume up on life, or we can turn our backs and become deaf to the music".
Being told you have cancer, is simply crap and it is so easy to get caught up in doom, gloom and the unfairness of it all. However, it also brings you into awareness of your own mortality. Although it is my greatest hope and dearest wish to live to a ripe old age, it means these things cannot to be taken for granted. It makes me re-question what is important in life and allows me to see with greater clarity than joy, compassion, gratitude, generosity and kindness are key. It would be so easy to get self absorbed in my own diagnosis and to obsess about it, but it would keep me in fear based living. I still have moments of sheer panic and times when the fear of the unknown overwhelms me, but as the Dalai Lama states, joy and happiness comes from reframing our situation more positively. I can turn the volume up on life and enjoy every moment with humility and humour. The Archbishop used a lovely quote, "turn your face to the wind and accept that this is the storm that we must pass through". Then we can be grateful for what we have and what it will teach us and allow us to show compassion and generosity towards others. Only in these things, can we find real joy and happiness and healing.
So here is my fortnight of joy and happiness......
1. We are heading west around Sicily to see the side of the island we have never seen before and we ended up at Licata, a commercial port with a marina development that never really got going. We stayed a week whilst we sat out a few gales. We saw the main sites - churches, castles, archeological ruins, 'the village of the dead' and little piazza's. For me after two months of walking by a main road in Malta it was joyful to walk along the beach which went on for miles. The dunes were covered with tiny yellow flowers that fluttered in the wind. We just walked, talked, held hands and laughed as Scrappy walked through a mud patch and looked in disdain as his fat belly sank further in the mud. Travelling through France and Spain we followed a graffiti artist who wrote "still love you" on anything prominent and we were saddened after a year of following his messages to lose sight of them in Portugal. So, whenever we have the opportunity we honour his legacy and write it in the sand. We both loved watching Tinker run along the beach and swim in the sea after a stick. Scrappy never to be outdone, (but not willing to go out of his depth), lies in the shallows and doggy paddles before chasing his own tail until he falls over with giddiness.
2. Nothing brings me more joy than basking in the sun, and we have had several really hot days. We have sat in little squares filled with children in fancy dress costumes,celebrating the Feast of St Agatha ( who cut off her boobs rather than having sex with heathens). I have closed my eyes and absorbed the atmosphere whilst letting the sun soak into every bone in my body. There is nothing better than that warm, dozy feeling. At this time of year sailing means taking your chances with the weather. We have enjoyed some warm, calm days but it has meant motoring. When you get the combination of blue skies, hot sun, gentle waves and enough wind to sail there is real joy as we turn the motor off and listen to the wind in the rigging and the sails being filled and gently blowing us along.
3. Whilst in Licata we saw the funeral procession of what we assume was a youth, by the amount of young kids that all turned up on their scooters to follow the procession. Unlike the UK, where death is veiled in black and solemn funeral cars take the body to church, it is very much a joyous and family occasion here. The coffin was jostled through the streets by friends and family, and when one tired, someone else took over. We held our breath as they shouted one, two, three and then tossed the coffin into the air, and then held it up on finger tip whilst the crowds shouted and cheered. It was more like a wedding march, with music and laughter and as much happiness as they could muster. We had a real belly laugh as they carried the coffin into the crematorium which was aptly named 'La Singe'.
4. Wild dogs are everywhere in Licata, and they tend to roam in packs of four or five. In the marina there are three huge wild dogs who patrol the pontoons and grassy areas, drinking from flower pots and scavenging food from the bins. They are quite intimidating and chase away all the cyclists, and scare everyone. We went and had a coffee at the marina bar and were horrified when a little toddler went running over and threw his arms around the leader of the pack and kissed his matted coat. The dog lay on the floor and purred as the toddler then lay beside him stroking his nose. Two days later in the middle of a thunder storm, with rain lashing down and lightening flashing, we found the marina bar had taken the dogs in and they lay in the warm enjoying titbits from the kitchen. As soon as the rain stopped, unwilling to overstay their welcome they were on their way again. Both occasions made me unbelievably happy and smiley to see such love and kindness.
5. Reframing my mind to see a 4am start as a joyous experience may take me a little longer!!!! This coast has many ports, but they are either shallow or have little room for visitors, so we set off early in case we need to keep pressing on. Watching the sun rise is a beautiful start to the day, especially as the weather has been so kind to us, and there is nothing like snuggling under a blanket on deck with Tinker warming your feet, when off watch. We arrived early afternoon at a little port called Sciacca after one such early start. The town was magnificent, built on a hill, with a very scenic walk up to it. The town is renowned for its ceramics, and all the steps are decorated with village scenes painted on tiles. Around every corner there was another church, monastery, monument, palace, park or old town gates. We had a beautiful afternoon wandering around and were overjoyed to find it was the weekend of 'The Chocolate Festival'. There were many stalls selling homemade Italian chocolate in all sorts of shapes and sizes. The next day we found the "Royal Cafe", where we sat in the square drinking coffee and ginseng watching Italian families promenade in all their finery. The ladies were perfectly couiffered, wore high heels and fur coats, whilst the gentlemen wore chinos, colourful shirts and matching scarves and soft leather shoes. There was a great buzz to the place and the air was richly scented with perfume and incense. We listened to a local violinist, watched old men play cards and young children race about in the piazza. It was such a perfect, happy day, that we treated ourselves to a glass of prosecco sitting in the sun and watching the world go by. It was even more joyous, when we asked for the bill and discovered that wine, sitting in such a splendid spot was €2 a glass!!!!!
6. One of the things I have often commented upon, is how grateful we both are to be living this crazy life. Having to watch money leads us to places we would never have normally gone. We wandered down to the fishing port on Valentine's Evening to have a glass of wine whilst watching the comings and goings of various trawlers. The port is a little dirty and squalid but the people were very friendly and are always laughing. These guys live tough, hard lives, straying into Tunisian or Lebanese waters to make a living. They risk imprisonment or hefty fines if caught, but providing for their families is a must without a social security system as we have in the UK. After a very nice glass of wine in the fisherman's bar we spotted some outdoor burners in the furthest corner of the port, and decided to investigate. It turned out to be a perfect little restaurant, with a lovely ambiance, linen table cloths, a superb wine menu and fresh fish all from the local boats. We had seafood spaghetti followed by swordfish steaks served with roasted vegetables. It was simply delicious, beautifully cooked and amazing value.
7. When you get up at 4am to set off but hear howling wind, you realise you are going nowhere, And I am always extremely joyful to jump straight back into bed for a few hours. On one such morning after a lie in, we decided to take the two hour coach journey to Palermo, the capital city of Sicily. We were again humbled by the kindness of the coach driver, who waited for us to find the ticket office before setting off. The journey itself was amazing, driving through valleys, jagged mountains (think "The Land that Time Forgot ")and field after field of vines. Palermo is known for its mafia links and we both nudged each other as we drove through the village of 'Corleoni ' with its 'Godfather' connection. Palermo was simply amazing with so much history, sites, monuments, cathedral and churches and some of the biggest (food) street markets in Europe. We were blown away by the place and one day did not do it justice. It is a multi cultural hotchpot where Muslims and Catholics seem to get on really well together. I always love visiting the Muslim crystal shops, where incense hangs in the air, and men with gingered henna hair look up from chanting their prayers to talk to me about the different properties of healing crystals. Their kindness and belief in such crystals always astounds me, and as I picked out the crystals I wanted I was told that I would only be paying trade prices.
8. We headed to the port of Masala and crept in as the echo sounded bleeped madly, indicating very little water under the keel. It was slightly nerve wracking feeling our way in, and seeing that the only pontoon with enough depth for us had been taken out for repair. We had just made the decision to reverse out and sail on to the next port, (the harbour chart shows depths of 2m elsewhere and we draw 2.1m.) when a guy waved us onto the quay telling us there was just enough depth. After a rock and rolly sail we were overjoyed not to have to press on. We high footed it into town to have a look round before dark. We entered through old city gates and enjoyed not only the sites, but the old wine houses. The city is famous for its Masala wine, and we naturally had to try out the different sweetnesses before selecting a (purely medicinal) bottle for the boat.
9. Finally, on to the Egadi islands, where we anchored for the first time this year. We dropped the hook in a secluded bay and settled in for the night. Jules called me on deck and we both marvelled at the sheer magnitude of stars. It was breathtaking. The next morning we headed into the harbour where not only did an old man take our lines but he said we could stay for free. We gave him some money for a drink, and he was so delighted he said he would make sure the boat was well looked after. We wandered into the town and hired two electric bikes. What a hoot. We had such a fun time and it meant we could explore the island fully in an afternoon. We got to see some amazing fields full of wild flowers and new born calves as well as coastal cliffs and basking lizards. After five hours on a bike we both have sore bottoms, but tanned faces and memories of a very happy day. For those of you my age or older, the island we stayed at was invaded by Garibaldi and the next island was occupied by the Bourbons, they went to war, but not over who made the best biscuit!!!!
So, I have come to the end of my book, and these two great spiritual leaders urge us, "give the world your love, your humour, your service and your joy". Who knows if they are right, but it certainly feels better than moping around and feeling sorry for myself.