Love and Kindness
18 October 2017
We are finally getting a little used to having our feet on dry land and are enjoying planning all the places we want to sail to once the next seven months are over and chemotherapy is done once more. We are still homeless, but will be back in our own home on the evening of the 4th November, after nine very long and agonising weeks. Treatment has been delayed and will start mid November, allowing us time to move back in and to get the house sorted and equipped with furniture. We received a solicitors letter stating that our tenants will only move out if they are not made to put right the long list of items we complied on our inspection, and if we do not take legal action regarding those things once they have moved out. If not the letter stated we would have to go to court to get possession of our own home, and it would take 6-9 months to go to court and to get bailiffs to evict. We agreed as it is not feasible to have treatment in the Midlands and live in Yorkshire. Nor is my oncologist happy for me to start treatment in a caravan with the risk of infection. So I am still waiting to start treatment, and am finding it very difficult as I would just like to get started now. I am sick of panicking when I get a headache or sore eyes. The delay also means I will be having round two of chemotherapy very close to Christmas, so I think Jules and the dogs will be feasting without me!!!
However, amidst all the heartache, fear and worry I have so much to be grateful for each and every day. Despite having a diagnosis of cancer, I am so well. I am jogging twice a day and walking long distances. I feel amazingly healthy, which is why having treatment is such a hard decision to take. I am also loving the autumnal colours and have missed them in the last four years. When I jog in a morning, the mist is lying on the fields, and spiders webs gently catch the rays of the sun. I have seen lots of wild deer in fields, and have had the odd barn owl majestically fly overhead. Tinker is beside herself with the smells of sheep and goats in the local fields, and I just love watching the red leaves fall to the ground. I try to visualise them as bad cells falling from my body once treatment starts.
However, it is to friends and family that I am most grateful to at the moment, and could not get through this tough period without so many wonderful people.
Jules
My hero, who has got a contracting job to tide us over financially before he receives his pension next year at the age of fifty. He has worn flip flops and shorts for the last few years, but has polished up beautifully in suit and charity shop shirts and looks rather sexy!!! He has a huge hotel room with a four poster bed as part of his work package, but drives back midweek (getting up at 4.30am to drive back to Worksop) just so we can be together. He is there beside me at every test and trip to the hospital, and supports me in any decision that I take. He is finding it so very hard living in a house and a conventional life and is missing the boat terribly. He looks as if he has aged ten years, but he never complains and is my rock. He is my best friend and my reason for living. We have this little dream that we will fall off to sleep rocking gently on the tide at anchor when we are 114, and I will not let him down!!!!
Tinker and Scrappy
They have been cleared of all wrong doing by the dog warden, and are just so adorable. On nights that Jules is away, Scrappy sees it as his job to keep me company in bed, (if he has not forsaken me for my sister as her bed is bigger). They are old and grey, but still behave like young pups. Their smiley faces and waggy tails still warm my heart, even at 6am when Tinker trots upstairs to warm her nose on my back!
Family
I am currently living with my little sister Ruthy,. We have had a great month - singing our favourite songs at the top of our voices in her car on the way back from the shops; going out on a very fast rib in Scarborough and eating chips and fresh crab sandwiches on the beach after paddling in the sea. She curled my hair and applied my make up before we paraded around Pickering in our 1940 outfits for the War Weekend. We had a brilliant time, trying on fur coats, listening to War time music, watching the parades and dancing In the street. We nervously attended Vespers at the local abbey, where there was something completely magical and comforting in watching the monks assemble in their hooded cassocks, even if she was 'making eyes' at the younger novices. We had the giggles at the harvest festival, which led to some terrible face pulling by Mom, which set us off even further. We bid on beetroot and cheese scones at the harvest auction and were delighted that our organic box of veg got the second highest bid. We have enjoyed visiting local pubs and have rated them on their roaring fires, choice of ciders and pork scratchings. We both have a love for a good curry, and have enjoyed visiting the local curry houses. Sadly, being sixteen years younger Ruthy did not have to take part in Domestic Science at school, hence her cooking, ironing and housework skills are none existent She is however, good at management skills and has delegated all these roles to me, along with marking all of her school books and assessments whilst she lies out on the settee watching TV and texting friends!!!!! Now I know what it feels like to be Dobby the house elf!!!
Mom lives in the next village has been wonderfully supportive in so many ways. She has driven me all over the Yorkshire Dales in hot pursuit of charity shop furniture for me to chalk paint. We have had a giggle at her near misses in the car - there was the incident where she just managed to swerve round a lorry at the roundabout, the near miss on Morrison's car park when she shot forward into a brick wall and there was the grass verge incident near the coast!!! Having survived that, we have had some wonderful days out - walking along the beach, driving through spectacular scenery, enjoying little tea rooms and sitting through an hour of aged nuns singing which gave us both the giggles. She has cooked the best Sunday roast and has treated me to some stunning bone china tea cups and soup dishes. We have rated the Yorkshire tea rooms and old manor houses and have become addicted to cinnamon toast and pots of loose tea. Mom treated me at the iconic 'Betties' in Harrogate and we enjoyed bagels and wine. We had a fantastic day out in Sheffield visiting my aunt and never stopped laughing. We had a superb lunch and the most wonderful trifle, and I was given a stunning bracelet with jade stones which promote longevity and good health.
Mom is married to Farmer Frank, and he too has been wonderfully kind in so many ways. I have enjoyed visiting his bulls and bullocks, and had to resist naming the cute looking ones with curly hair and ginger coats. He shares my love of wild Heather honey, and bid on some for me at the harvest auction. I think I am in his good books as I have encouraged mom to give up M&S shopping in favour of Lidl!!!!! His choir have also volunteered to do a charity event for Samos Refugees.
I have had cards and well wishes from so many other members of the family, some who are also dealing with their own diagnosis and treatment. I had a very, very kind gift from across the sea and have been blessed by Facebook pictures of autumnal colours in New England, a place we dream of sailing to. I am truly stunned, and lost for words over such kindness and help. It makes me feel so humbled and loved.
Friends
I am wowed continually by my all of my friends. Our dear friend Ross just turned his house over to us for a month in Bridgnorth whilst he was doing Charity work in Samos. Friends have offered houses for us to stay in for the duration of my treatment, whilst others have offered to turn part of their house over to us, or to move out of their home for seven months. These offers have been so generous and kind but I just want to have treatment in my own house. Several friends are having a tidy out of kitchen and household goods for me and others have gone out and bought gifts. We have had offers of cleaning and painting parties, and other friends have offered to keep me entertained and well fed when back in the Midlands whilst Jules is working away during the week. I have had inspirational gifts with kind words and beautiful butterflies. We have been bowled over by everyone's kindness and support and we are just so appreciative of everyone.
My oncologist and nurses
I am so very lucky that we have continued with my private health insurance, as the treatment I am receiving is just superb. Prem, my oncologist is an amazing person, and never complains about my long list of questions, refusal to have all the treatment on offer, or balancing conventional treatment with my holistic ways. We have decided to take the 3 day FCR chemotherapy every 3 days in a 28 day cycle for 6 months and chemotherapy into the spine once a month for six months. However, at this point in time we see no benefit in having the chemotherapy which will hospitalise me, but will keep it on the back burner in case I need it. It is never too much trouble for Prem to answer my emails, or to fit us in whenever we want to see her. As for my nurses, they are brilliant fun. Last time we had a complaint on the ward, that we were making too much noise giggling and laughing!!!
Total strangers
Those that know me well, know that I love to talk to anyone. After receiving the solicitors letter I was beside myself with anger, rage, upset and hurt. I was out in Harrogate and I noticed a tramp sitting on the pavement in the biting wind. I went over and gave him some money and a big hug, which was warmly received. I had a chat to him, and it put things in total prospective, I have nothing to complain about compared to him, he was cold, dirty and alone and I have a roof over my head, a full stomach and surrounded by the love of others.
Yesterday, my sister had a new gardener arrive, I had a chat and cup of tea with him and he was asking all about why I was staying with Ruthy. When he came in from mowing the lawn he asked me to google a luxury log cabin in an idyllic setting in the countryside. It looked beautiful, and he then told me that he owned it, and wanted me and Jules to have a night free of charge in it before I start my treatment and breakfast at the Manor House the next day.
There are some wonderful people in this world, and I am lucky enough to know so many of them. That love and kindness will carry both Jules and I through the next six months and it makes us realise we are truly blessed.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.