One of the big challenges cruisers face these days is aging parents. Our parent's health is a major concern to all of us, especially those of us living abroad. For many would be cruisers the decision to leave older parents behind can be a real deal breaker in pursuing their sailing dreams. For my wife Jean, our three kids and I to stay home and pursue a shore side life would have been a mistake. I can say this now with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight having sailed the Caribbean aboard the "Omarsea" our 51 Beneteau. I suppose many of us might never leave the dock for fear something might happen to our parents while we are at sea.
The guilt of such a passage might be more than one can deal with. It is a very real fear we all face when contemplating an extended cruise. While planning our own voyage, Jean and I voiced our personal concerns about my parents who were in their 60s and about Jean's who were in their 80's.
One very pivotal evening more than a year before we left I remember having a difficult conversation about this very topic with my father in law Omar. At the time his health was slowly failing. Being very good friends for many years I asked him how he felt about us going sailing around the world. For several weeks I had the impression he was troubled about our trip and was to his credit keeping it to himself. Omar told me that he would miss us very much. Jean was always dropping in to help her mom and having great conversations with her Dad. He told me of the hole in their lives there would be once we left. How this hole was to develop none of us could have imagined.
I have read that when one makes the decision to move toward a large life goal that events conspire to achieve that goal if only you persevere. A great example is the boat you are looking for just happens to come on the market at a good price. What the author of this maxim does not tell us is that there are challenges to overcome along the path to cruising. Within weeks of my conversation with Omar I found out that my Stepfather Bob had an aggressive form of cancer. Bob and I talked early one morning about what he wanted for himself and how important it was to pursue dreams. It was an unusual conversation for us to have and I remember it well. After describing a boat I was looking at he offered to do whatever it took to help Jean and I buy the boat we needed. He insisted we make sure we go cruising and live life to its fullest. Being from New England he was one of those people who never let on exactly how bad he was feeling. He had just undergone Whipple surgery and was in chemotherapy for the cancer. Less than three months later our family gathered to pay our respects to Bob Murray and lay him to rest after a short 64 years. His words of encouragement, always with me, would later push Jean and I to sell our home, purchase a boat, and go cruising the following year. But challenges often come in threes they say. A scant three months after we lost Bob, Omar was taken ill. Like Bob he kept most of his suffering to himself. After a series of trips to the hospital he passed away surrounded by his wife and children. The pain of his passing put our plans on hold for a while as we tried to sort out what was best for Jean's Mom. There was indeed a large hole in our lives and we all felt his loss greatly. It was Clara (Jean's Mom) that really made all the difference. Though she was to miss us dearly she was able to put aside her own needs and become our # 1 fan. Some people are blessed to have a great mother in law or a great father in law. I was blessed to have both. During the two years we pursued our goal. Buying a boat out of charter in the Caribbean and outfitting it in the islands. We continued to have challenges daily but they served to make us more capable in facing the next ones.
If one cruises long enough you come to that place in life where you understand that things happen for no particular reason. There is no blame to be passed out and that you can't change some things. I being of the more stubborn variety have taken the long road to arrive here. Cruising plans are the first thing that you throw out the window. This past month I came to learn that my Mother has a cancer that has begun to accelerate in its growth. Being an experienced nurse she shows tremendous courage facing each day with a determined smile. After learning her condition I flew back and spent a week with her. It was a great trip. We laughed and cried together. Talked of the future in uncertain terms and in between these talks I took her to the emergency room and the Dr's office. She is a person liked by all who know her, and it is an honor to be her son. It was on the flight back to Puerto Rico that it occurred to me our parents never stop teaching us. It is in their passing that we perhaps learn to live without fear and to go forward with our dreams with grace and dignity.
While we may put our cruising in a temporary holding pattern for now we continue to make future plans for out passage to the Pacific and beyond. The memories we have of the past year will be treasured for our lifetimes. Many thanks to you Bob Murray for those words of encouragement at a time when we really needed them.


Scott Trefethen
SV Omarsea
Caribbean 2008