Wrapping up 2 of 3 - Quotes and Jokes
14 June 2009 | Real Club Nautico - Palma de Mallorca
So you here are some of the submissions that we were sent to entertain us while we were underway:
Ernie and Bette’s friend Ellen Morris is a skydiving instructor, and offered these words of wisdom to help keep things in check, with regards to not only skydiving, but perhaps any undertaking: “Never let your ego outfly your ability” and if that doesn’t get their attention… : “Stupid hurts” …. Gosh I love 1 liners! Thanks Ellen
My friend Bill offered this quote from TS Elliot: We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time.
Kate’s mom Kathleen offered this touching story: Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked," How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 8o% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" " I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Neely , that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands. " Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, " I outlived the bitches."
But the tee shirt award goes to Ernie and Bette’s friend Steve who sent a litany of tasteless humor (you are my hero) here’s a couple samples:
Two Irish guys are fishing. They find a bottle floating in the lake. one guy picks it up and when he opens it a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. So the first guy says “Turn the lake into Guinness beer,” The genie goes “Poof!” and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, “That was brilliant don't you think?” The other guy says, “You idiot. Now we’ve got to piss in the boat.”
A friend once told me -I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
But my personal favorite (I am a total sucker for golf jokes)
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Thanks Steve – email me your address and I will send a tee shirt!
Things continue to settle down and I get more and more sleep every night, I will post captain's final thoughts in the next day or so.