Wrapping up 2 of 3 - Quotes and Jokes
14 June 2009 | Real Club Nautico - Palma de Mallorca
Jonathan
So you here are some of the submissions that we were sent to entertain us while we were underway:
Ernie and Bette�s friend Ellen Morris is a skydiving instructor, and offered these words of wisdom to help keep things in check, with regards to not only skydiving, but perhaps any undertaking: �Never let your ego outfly your ability� and if that doesn�t get their attention� : �Stupid hurts� �. Gosh I love 1 liners! Thanks Ellen
My friend Bill offered this quote from TS Elliot: We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time.
Kate�s mom Kathleen offered this touching story: Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked," How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 8o% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" " I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Neely , that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands. " Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, " I outlived the bitches."
But the tee shirt award goes to Ernie and Bette�s friend Steve who sent a litany of tasteless humor (you are my hero) here�s a couple samples:
Two Irish guys are fishing. They find a bottle floating in the lake. one guy picks it up and when he opens it a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. So the first guy says �Turn the lake into Guinness beer,� The genie goes �Poof!� and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, �That was brilliant don't you think?� The other guy says, �You idiot. Now we�ve got to piss in the boat.�
A friend once told me -I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
A doctor says to his patient, �I have bad news and worse news�.
�Oh dear, what's the bad news?� asks the patient.
The doctor replies, �You only have 24 hours to live.�
�That's terrible�, said the patient. �How can the news possibly be worse?�
The doctor replies, �I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.�
But my personal favorite (I am a total sucker for golf jokes)
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: �Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.�
The man then replies: �Yeah, well we were married 35 years.�
Thanks Steve � email me your address and I will send a tee shirt!
Things continue to settle down and I get more and more sleep every night, I will post captain's final thoughts in the next day or so.