Chub Cay, Berry Islands, Bahamas, 24/12/2011

THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY!

The first thing Brendan said to me this morning was: “Who is your lover, Mum?” Elliott answered, very drily, on my behalf: “Dad, we suppose...”

Soon after Quinn informs me that Brendan had confided in him this morning: “I am going to marry Mum when I grow up, I love her SOOOO MUCH!!!” So Big Brother Quinn had set him straight about a few things...

When Pappa Ulric brought me a cup of tea this morning he was disappointed that I did not instantly say: GOD JUL! (Merry Christmas!) but then I am Dutch and always will be...

We did an outing by dinghy ashore this morning. The resort is a ghost town (to quote Elliott). We met the cleaners and a man in charge of catching fish for the restaurant, but saw no visitors at all. The ‘fish man’ had caught some massive fish. It took a wheelbarrow to move them. He offered to deliver some to the boat once he finished filleting. I shuddered and hastily explained that I am a vegetarian! Even Ulric chickened out and mumbled something about being a vegetarian (first I hear of it after being his “lover” for 25 years!). He then said: “Today you are eating fish M’am, vegetarian or not!’

Then he went on to explain about ‘eating dolphins’. I shuddered even more at the thought of that. He said: “Well... there are dolphins and dolphins you know... the cute porpoises that everyone loves... and the ‘mai mai’, dolphins we eat.’ I said that the thought of eating dolphins is completely alien to me. He said that the mai mai are DELICIOUS... when you are out on the water, they are a colour ‘not of this earth’, but once you catch them and they die, they look more ordinary. TOO MUCH INFORMATION as we say in the UK!!!

Brendan of course really took this on board. He kept asking me later today: but why do they change colour when they die, is it BECAUSE THEIR SPIRIT LEAVES THEIR BODY?!!!

We went for a walk on the beach. I am sure we annoyed the sea gulls, who consider the whole place their territory, they looked very put out! Quinn was drawing hearts in the sand and I drew a lemniscate. Brendan built a fortress. It had a walkway with water on both sides. We could almost not drag him away from it.

We called the grandmothers. I am getting used to the title ‘grandma’ myself because the boys’ tigers, monkeys & penguins all call me ‘grandma’ all day long...!

This evening we put all boys in the forward cabin for an hour so we could prepare for Christmas. The ‘tomtarna’ (Swedish Christmas Elves) came out... I styled Queenie’s hair (that is to say: of her bust in the main cabin... I tied some baubles in her hair!) We put all Christmas presents on the table and the electric Christmas tree came out of storage. Around the tree sat three animals performing as the boys walked in: a gorilla, a leopard and an elephant with flashing eyes...

Quinn has entered the teenage years. From our point of view it means that every word we say triggers a bucket load of attitude... Today I tried to explain to Quinn how exhausting this is. He said: ‘But Mum... these are all signs of ageing, you know...’ - “AGEING?????!!!!”
‘Yes Mum, you know.... becoming a teenager and all those hormones raging through my body...’ At that point I was howling with laughter and I had a sense that all those hormones were laughing along too.... Quinn certainly was....

I had asked Ulric to have a Christmas shower because he is constantly crawling into the engine room and emerging covered in soot and tar. Quinn decided to join him. As they came out Quinn was howling with laughter again. What now?! ‘Dad decided to use some deodorant, hahaha, but instead he got hold of the insect repellent and sprayed it all over his armpits, hahaha!”

Well... the good news is that Dad is unlikely to find a new LOVER if he pongs of insect repellent (heavy duty tropical quality, active ingredient DEET)....

Before Brendan went to bed I asked him: ‘Who is my lover Brendan?’
Brendan gives me his most angelic smile (two front tooth missing!) and says: ‘ME OF COURSE MUMMY!!!!’

By Imelda Almqvist