Why the Next Entry is a Week Late
19 March 2014 | Texarkana, Arkansas
Jill
When I was writing the blog on a nearly daily basis I often found myself screening activities for their aptness as subject matter; and indeed, I often wrote parts of the blog in my mind while the activity was still fresh. I sometimes would think of the subject and title of the day's blog before it was written. Now that I write less frequently, I often test in my mind for subject and title to see if there is something worth writing about.
Last week Adler was on Spring Break. Jamie is studying for Step 3 of her medical licensing exam, an exam that takes 16 hours over 2 days. Needless to say, she needs a lot of unencumbered study time. That meant that Bud and I would have a lot of time with Adler. We planned a couple of activities that went really well (see next entry, the one that didn't get written for a while).
Midway through our activities with Adler I realized that we were having a good time, and the title "Good Times in Texarkana" came to mind. Almost immediately after that thought I felt very depressed and had to push myself to stay engaged with no extra mental energy for blog writing. I've given a lot of thought to what caused that. Here's the best explanation I can make.
1. Having a good time while Fuzzy, our faithful companion of almost 18 years, is home dying by inches of dementia seems wrong. Of course I know that my feeling bad won't help Fuzzy, but emotions aren't rational.
2. Having a good time here reminds me of the good times sailing Earendil, and the long road yet to go to get back there. Not only the months remaining here, but also the subsequent work and expense to get Earendil ready to go again. Sometimes it seems overwhelming and it seems that having a good time here will undermine our resolve to get out there again. Of course I know that feeling miserable here won't help get underway, but emotions aren't rational.
3. On the flip side, having good times with Adler makes me realize that to regain our sailing life we'll have to leave Adler and Jamie behind. Of course I know we'll continue to visit and with all this time spent now, Adler will always be close to us, but emotions aren't rational.
Anyway, the photo is a self-portrait trying to illustrate my rational side. So I'll get on with it and write the post, which I've re-titled "Pretty Good Times Around Texarkana", which doesn't seem to set off the bad feelings. I guess even my irrational self is willing to have a pretty good time.