Time Passes
14 June 2014 | Texarkana, Arkansas
Jill
It's been way too long since I've written and I apologize. Not too much new has been happening. I went down to get Bud and we finished 7 coats of varnish on both sides of the toe rail. It looks pretty good. We plan to do two coats in the fall, when it's not so ridiculously hot, and should do two coats every year thereafter. The theory is to avoid ever doing the complete redo again. A good theory. We had a toast with Scott and Tamera to celebrate, and also toasted Fuzzy, not there to celebrate with us.
I still miss Fuzzy every day and I'm sure I will for a long time. It's nice to have the freedom from his care, which in the end had gotten confining, but I can never enjoy that freedom without feeling a pinch of guilt and a lot of sorrow. As weak as he was, as limited as his life and mobility had become, it was still a very difficult decision to make the choice to end life for another living creature who couldn't speak for himself. We had Fuzzy cremated. None of us (Jamie, Bud or I) are sentimental about remains. Once the life and spirit are gone, a body is just an object. So I was surprised with myself when I thought about burying Fuzzy that I couldn't face the idea of leaving him in Texarkana. I brought the subject up with Jamie, asking her if we could and should bury him in her backyard. "You don't want to leave him here, do you?" was her reply. Then I asked Bud and he said the same thing. So Fuzzy's remains are in a little box on our dresser. Bud had wondered where we should spread his ashes. Perhaps on our next trip back to New York we could visit the farm. But that's no longer ours and no longer feels like home. I told Bud that all Fuzzy ever wanted was to be with us, so I thought we should keep them, and so far, until a better solution comes to mind, that's what we are doing.
Adler finished school and now is going to summer day camp at his school. He wanted to go, Jamie thought it would be better for him to keep on a schedule and continue to have other kids to play with and other adults to listen to, so what could I do but agree (ha, ha)? Camp is from 7:45 until 5:30. The first 2 days Adler stayed there until after 5 but then he said they were really long days so I started coming for him around 4 or 4:30. But Friday he complained that he didn't want to miss the last free play time that starts at 4:30, so in the future I will go back to picking him up after 5. I especially appreciate this because Jamie was scheduled for medicine for both the months of June and July. On that rotation she works in the hospital. She leaves for the gym just before 5 in the morning and gets home between 6:30 and 8 in the evening. I didn't want her to have to pay for the tuition for camp, but I'm sure it's best for all our mental health, especially mine.
So Bud and I are back to playing golf (I'm not getting any better) and tending the yard and pool. Adler turned 5 and we have passed the two-year mark in our time in Texarkana. It sometimes seems like we've always been here. One more year and then one hurricane season and if luck and our health hold out we may be able to set sail again.