So you think you're an expert boater? My thirty plus years messin' with boats says your not. I don't care who you are or what you've done...we all have stories like this one.

A few years ago I bought this new dinghy and motor because I was tired of fighting the old 2 cycle motors and leaky boats. I can never get those old motors to start. You tune them up and it only last a couple runs and there broken again. They're just not reliable, we've all been there...right? So we go out and buy a brand new 12 ½ foot Rigid Inflatable Boat...Hypalon. We add a new brand name 20hp 4 stroke outboard motor, clean, quite and reliable...with electric start! "I'll never have a problem again"...no really!

Susan, my wife and I take her out and break in the motor then store it away for the season. Now fast forward one year. It's time to install the davits on Valparaiso our Irwin 52 center cockpit ketch. We have to put the dinghy in the water so we can take measurements, "no problem." When we show up at the boat launch there's no one around..."perfect." I love it when a plan comes together. The boats off the trailer and I'm ready to start her up. I push the start button...eeeerrr...nothing. I check the fuel level, pump the primer a couple more times. Check to make sure the air valves open. Hit the start button...eeeerrr...nothing, now I'm getting pissed and of course now there's a string of boats waiting to launch and I'm in the way.

After moving the boat around to the other side of the dock we're ready to try again. I failed to mention that when we bought this new boat we also purchased an extra storage seat that is made out of nylon, real slick on fiberglass. It has concave sides so when the boat is inflated properly it squeezes tight against the sides holding it in place. Oh ya, did I also mention that when you put an inflatable dinghy in cold water it cools the air inside the tubes causing them to slightly deflate...are you seeing the picture yet?

After a couple more attempts and a whole bunch of swearing, oh ya again I failed to mention...I think my wife was a truck driver in a previous life. I've had it, I kicked the motor and it starts. Ya I kicked it! Best I can figure is the fuel float was stuck and when I tapped it ever so slightly, it opened up and eureka. The engine is running but its cold and not running smoothly and I'm pissed, late and not running smoothly either.

Ok I'm ready to go. Now I don't have time to let her warm up. The boat is pointed stern away from the dock. To keep the motor running, I've got the rpm's up. I slam it in reverse. At this point my wife is yelling, "Did you put the kill switch cord on your wrist?" I believe you all no the answer to that one! Twenty or so feet from the dock without throttling down I slam the transmission lever into forward...the front end comes up 40 degrees or so...the nylon loosely fitting seat slides back...I'm a big man and I go head over heels, feet sticking straight up head in the bilge. The motor is hard over going in a circle at 2 to 3 thousand rpm's while my wife stands on the dock yelling all sorts of obscenities, I did mention she was a truck driver, right? At this point I'm the $100,000 winner on Americas Funniest Home Videos. If only someone had a camera...

As that famous radio personality would say, "and now the rest of the story." Somewhere between the third or fourth go around, I decided that I was either going over the stern, get run over or...with all my might, throw my weight forward hoping to recover from this predicament. I went for it! Of course as I propelled myself forward, I bumped the tiller handle causing the boat to come up on plane headed directly for the dock, no not away but directly at the fifteen or so innocent bystanders who were scattering in all directions. Not my wife...no she's still standing there swearing at me, a Kodak moment if I've ever seen one. At the very last second I was able to turn the dinghy hard right sending a wave of water across the dock as I proceeded to head out into the river. The last time I saw my wife she was heading up the ramp, still swearing. I motored out a couple of hundred feet off shore and cleaned out my shorts. As I looked back, everyone else was going about whatever they were doing before the rodeo, but there standing alone on the end of the dock was this little old woman. She was standing with her feet slightly apart kind of hunched over staring at me. As I made eye contact with her she shook her head in disbelief, turned and walked away. I said to myself, "ya lady you're right, I am a moron!"

The moral of the story: I walked away this time...no matter how much you think you know...you can always learn something new. Take your time, be safe, don't let your anger get in the way. My wife still swears at me but darn it she is always right, I hate that!