Saturday 5 October 2019

Green lemons; yellow limes. Did you know that can happen? We didn't know. Just found out. This alteration in orthodoxy requires a reversal in conception vis-a-vis critical characteristics implicit to the iced tea/gin & tonic domain. Tea with lime? G&T with lemon. These are not just unseemly, they're unappetizing and unacceptable. When preparing a beverage with one or the other, since color and taste are the primary strategies for identification, how can one avoid a horrible mistake? Can't just assume the new order will be maintained. What if previously accustomed colors return? Licking a slice before putting it into a guest's drink is often considered rude and unsanitary. Tasting small slices when originally cutting a fruit and putting the rest in separate, labeled containers is labor intensive, wasteful and takes up much more space in the fridge. And that's assuming one doesn't get two of the same and is left without the other. What then? After extensive consultation with a multitude of other concerned individuals, as far as you know, we've decided to demand a massive government program to either confiscate and destroy all deceitfully hued fruit or develop a simple, cheap and effective, non-destructive test to ascertain, with 100% accuracy, what the thing is. It must also detect oranges as we've found very small green ones - what, one may ask, is the point in calling the object an "orange"? Contact your beloved leaders and demand action. These august personages may as well get on this right away as any real governance is clearly beyond their competence or sense of responsibility.

Jack & Jan