Almost a Year!
09 February 2016
Sometimes the most amazing things in our lives come to us unexpectedly.
Many years ago I was told, as newly married woman, that there was something significantly wrong and that I would not be likely to have any children. My young husband and I talked about adopting special needs babies and were in the process of trying one last fertility treatment before registering when to, my enormous surprise and disbelief, we learned that I was pregnant!
I had thought my dreams of natural motherhood were gone and I was staggered to have, not just that one baby, but several more!
Sometimes the things that bring us the greatest blessing come unexpectedly.
In my forties my not-so-young-by-then husband and I ran into some difficulties. He had left and come back and I was trying to decide if I could salvage something of our marriage. I considered every possibility - went to individual counselling, marriage counselling, read everything I could get my hands on and in desperation, went to a meeting of a 12 Step self-help group, Co-Dependents anonymous. It was seriously the last thing I could think to do in my efforts to save my marriage but it turned out to be the thing that would, absolutely, save me.
Sometimes the biggest blessings come when you least expect it.
In this group I began to understand that I had unfinished business from the past - actually I had un-started business from the past. I had grown up in an abusive home and had tried to just walk away from it - leave it behind and get on with my life.
In the group I began to see that you can try and leave the pain in the past but it refuses to stay there. It acts like an anchor, stubbornly refusing to be cast off until it has been attended to - like a wound that won't heal until it is treated properly.
In recovery I began to finally deal with the past and in doing so began to get a better handle on my
It didn't save my marriage but it brought to me an awareness of why my marriage was so broken and how little I could do to fix it.
What had been so hard became suddenly the most amazing part of my life - an opportunity to start over and one and for all deal with the issues from the past.
I was a single mum for many years after that. Happy, exploring the world on my own terms at last, revelling in discovering who this person was that I was becoming!
That's when I remarried and sold everything to buy a boat to help fulfil someone else's dreams! I had thought this was how I was going to spend my later years - sailing off into the sunset with a man who loved me. But once again it was not to be - however, once again I have found that the most unexpected blessings have come when I least expected it.
A year ago we were celebrating Valentine’s Day - lunch out and a few 'loving' little gifts. And then just a few days later the axe fell and I discovered that I was not the only woman in my marriage!
There are some things no one should be asked to share and that was the last straw for me.
But out of that horrible situation have grown the most amazing blessings.
A year ago I would not have believed how we would all have grown. Our capacity to live on board our boat has actually been enhanced by being left to it! Argos is in better shape now that she has ever been since we first bought her, despite a serious lack of funds and what I would have thought of as a serious lack of knowledge.
Of the three of us it is Liam who has benefitted the most from our sudden abandonment. Liam who was so quiet and unassuming. It started with the rope work that he has always loved - and the occasional rope mats he made for people. He was asked about his rope skills when we were in the boat yard and began making rope shackles for a rigging company. He began doing more and more rope work and rarely a week goes by where he hasn't earned something from his skills. Add to that that he has shown an amazing interest in and aptitude for electrical things and here you have this quiet laid-back boy getting experience working alongside some top marine electricians. He is learning more and more every day and asks questions that I don't even understand the language of, let alone know the answers to! Sometimes the most amazing come so unexpectedly.
For Erina life goes on smoothly. She has had the opportunity to complete a Cert 3 in Hospitality. She works on charter boats out of the Southport marinas and is soon to begin a few days’ work experience aboard a Cruise Ship while it is in port. Her hopes and dreams involve combining her two greatest lives - cooking and boating. Who would ever have thought that this girl would find herself loving the boating life so much that she spends her leisure hours searching for a boat to live aboard for when she is ready to venture out alone! Unexpected blessings!
And me - well I am a people person - always have been, always will be. One of the things that our transient sailing life brought that I struggled with, was the lack of community - the lack of relationships.
Since February this has been so different. We are part of a vibrant connected community of boaters - never short of someone to have a coffee with or go out for a meal with. We have friends all around us and while there is some coming and going, we have found a place we feel we can belong here in this little community. We will venture out ourselves too but I love knowing we have somewhere to return to - something we did not know before.
This year has brought so many amazing things - from Liam's growth to Erina's blossoming. From the sense of community to the many, many things we have all learned. It is absolutely true to say that the one again the most amazing things have come so unexpectedly.