“Cry baby cry .. make your mother sigh … had a little problem at the local bird and bee ..”.

It’s been a relaxing time since the family returned to rainy ol’ Sydney town. Kath returned from Tweed Heads after visiting family (and Billi, who by now has been brainwashed into becoming a Byron Bay Greenie, I’ve been told he now enjoys bowls of brown lentils ! We will be enrolling him in K9 Boot Camp on his return ! ).

I’ve had some time to investigate a rather smelly problem. The VIP head (ie. visitors toilet), emits a rather pungent smell when flushed. Doesn’t matter how it’s used, but when you flush it, it smells like you’ve just opened up the black water tanks … not a pleasant experience by any means.

Thinking we had a ‘toilet problem’ I contacted the “Dunnright” plumbing team again and had a visit from Tony, the guy who expertly replaced our hot water system in mid June.

After explaining the smell emanating from the toilet when flushed he proceeded to explore the potential origins. Kind of like Mr Spock deploying sensors from the Starship Enterprise. “How do you get under the toilet?” he asked casually… I lifted the floor hatch where the hot water system was housed and commented “same area as the water heater”. Ah yes, familiarity washed across his face and down he jumped. It wasn’t long before his assessment (no doubt from the sensor probe) that the toilet system was in fact in excellent condition, the hoses and toilet system operating to expectation. The smell was coming from somewhere else.

Dion, his young apprentice was asked to flush the toilet while we remained in the master bedroom. Flush… no smell … “flush it again” came the instruction. Flush … within what seemed like a second, a massive stench filled the air and into our noses and it was clear .. yep, there’s a smell alright. We opened cupboards and sniffed around the wardrobe like we were searching for truffles .. but alas, no smell. “Flush it again” he cried to Dion .. flush .. and the tantalising smell of a thousand rotten eggs filled our senses. “Ha-har “ .. we summarised .. it’s coming from outside and coming back into the boat. It wasn’t long before we deduced, mainly Tony rather than I, that it was the tank odour filter .. it was failing. That’s when things started to get really interesting.

You see, when boats are being built a large number of primary features, gadgets and services are laid out against the hull, attached to the hull lining if required, or attached to lengths of hosing or pipes for water or air or waste .. whatever they may be designed to carry. All neatly affixed to the inside of the vessel. Then the cupboards and other mouldings are installed, sometimes on top of said pipes or hoses, cabinets set in places that butt up against hoses and pipes or pieces of machinery etc. - are you sensing where I’m going with this ?

I consulted Charmer’s vessel ‘manual’ to locate the ‘toilet services’ schematic. There where odour filters installed for each head, the challenge now would be to locate them. After following the main piping from the toilet pump, through to the master bedroom we lifted the mattress and the mattress base hatch covers to locate the black water tanks ie. waste tanks. Beautifully installed under the king size bed are two quite large stainless steel tanks in exceptional condition with all components showing no sign of leakage or damage. We then followed the exit pipes to the side of the boat approximately where the vents were situated on the outside of the hull. Great, it was evident the location was somewhere behind the cupboards that formed the corner of the master bedroom on the starboard side. I removed all the clothing from the cupboards, removed the sectioned shelving, expertly cut and fitted into the location with sometimes 6 different angled cuts to fit, to reveal another panel screwed into the wall of the cupboard. A-har … this must be the location of the odour filter ! Unscrewing the panel there it was, in all it’s glory .. the top of the odour filter wedged behind 2 large white pipes and a number of cables, sitting there knowing full well that it was in an absolutely diabolical and protected location to be removed.

“Right”, says Tony, “we’ll just take that out and get it replaced”. After about 30 mins of educated assessment and attempted removal it was clear this filter wasn’t going anywhere. Access to the bottom of the filter was made through another panel in the lower cupboard, the view obscured by one of the stabilisers hydraulics component and the accompanying pipes and cables from above. Tony wedged his body inside the cupboard and he pushed and pulled that bloody filter but it wasn’t coming out.

I suggested we (ie. Tony) purchase another filter and attach it to the existing one, now becoming a slave if you like, so the new one did the job of filtering the smelly air before being exited outside the boat. Tony acknowledged that was an acceptable solution. So, a rag was inserted into the top of the existing filter with the careful instruction of “I wouldn’t use that toilet if I was you”. I didn’t need too much convincing.

Fast forward 18 hours… no new filter.. no update despite my texting and voicemail messages. 4:45 pm arrived and I called yet again. Apparently there was a problem obtaining a filter in the Whitsundays… but they would keep at it.

The next day dawns and no update .. it’s such an unfortunate scenario, the marine industry doesn’t do itself any favours - customers ie. me in this case; just want to know what is happening; particularly when it concerns your toilet ! Anyway, a returned call 15 minutes after my message revealed they have sourced a filter and would be there within the hour. Bewdy.

Tony did in fact turn up within the hour (yes, I was shocked), triumphantly holding the new odour filter. “Geez”, I said as he held it aloft like he’d just beaten Michael Jordon for MVP, “.. it’s a big sucker …” I remarked.

We immediately went down to the cupboard area to assess the situation. A number of strategies were proposed, cutting this and doing that, adding some hose here and there and positioning the new filter there or possibly there .. however, in the end we both agreed “it ain’t gonna fit !”. Talk about deflated. “Well mate” I painstakingly expressed to Tony, “you’ll have to put it back together and I’ll get some enzymes to pour into the tank” (the last few days of issues warranted options and I found a number of articles on the use of enzymes, apparently very effective).

Dejected, he walked off the boat with filter in hand to obtain the extra tools to reconnect the existing filter. Returning shortly after with the new filter still in his hand, he had another plan. He would cut the existing filter out, remove some of the existing plumbing, adjust the position of the filter so if ever it is replaced again it will be more easily done and the job will be done right - just like the name of the plumbing company - ‘Dunnright plumbing’. Now we are talking !

By the time I had walked back up top to update the First Mate and then back again to the scene of ‘filtergate’, he had already cut the existing hose to the top of the filter. “I’m going to get more hose and I need this to get the right size”. And he was off.

To improve access further, I volunteered to remove yet another panel in the lower cupboard above the Naiad stabiliser unit. Bending my arm and back in unnatural ways to unscrew a panel revealed improved access … Low and behold the bottom of the existing filter was plain to see and an obvious point of extraction became apparent. My confidence grew immediately.

By now, reading this, or maybe you have stopped, you’re probably wondering how long can this go on for ? Well, I can tell you one thing, Tony returned and stealthily repositioned himself in said cupboards to remove the existing filter. I heard a power-saw cut through what I assumed was the existing hose and he completely removed the old filter and reattached the new unit. The finished product, with the help of Dion who returned with him, was excellent and it was ‘Dunne right’.

After a few flushes it was all agreed there was no smell - smiles all round !
I volunteered to replace all the shelving and panelling and thanked them for the great job yet again. “Don’t hold it against me if I don’t speak to you again” was my parting remark.

Having said that, there is always something that will fail, break or need investigation on a boat … that’s just the way it is.

Onwards and upwards.