The Night Before Christmas -by Cruiser Claus

'Twas the night before Christmas, I swung on the hook
...Flaked out on the settee, asleep with my book
When up on the deck I heard footsteps and stuff
"I've been boarded!" I thought, and tried to be tough.

Then down the companionway hatch came a dude;
He was dressed like a nut and I thought, "I'm so screwed,"
But he laughed and he hummed as he surveyed my junk
So I figured he must be the resident drunk.

His eyes were lit up like a junkie on speed
But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that I need,
Like rum and cigars and new charts and a dinghy
And some kind of fancy electrical thingy.

I thought it was stolen but I wasn't telling,
I hoped he was giving and wasn't just selling
And I poured him a grog which he downed with a wink
Then I poured one for me (I sure needed a drink!).

Then he staggered above to the dark tropic night;
As I peeked I beheld and incredible sight--
Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful sleigh
And the dude hopped aboard and prepared to make way.

The dolphins were ready to power the sled
But the guy raised a genny and mains'l instead.
With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the breeze
And called to the dolphins, now swimming with ease.

"On Fatty and Foxy and Old Barracuda!
On Teva and Mountgay, Antigua, Barbuda!
Or whatever your names are, you cute little fishes,
Here's to every last sailor, my best Christmas wishes!"

As he sailed away leaving a wobbly wake
I hoped he had not many stops left to make.
He got close to shore and he soon was aground
But the dolphins proceeded to pull him around

And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"