Vamper Repairs
06 March 2022 | St. Marys, GA
Cap'n Chef Andy | Like Summer
We met at the communal toilet. How nice. She said she was hungry and I had to return to Kaimu with my personal roll of TP and get my wallet. She didn’t want leftover chili, which I offered. I biked to the vamper and we were ready to go but nothing happened when she tried to start it. She had a small booster charger and tried that, no go. I biked to the communal porch where my larger booster charger was still plugged into the outlet, surely this must start the vamper, but when I hooked it up there was only a slight click of the solenoid and very little output from the starter. Maybe the battery was bad, but it was new, from October. I went and got my meter, battery was 12.4. When she turned the key it only dropped to 12.3. It looked like a bad starter rather than a bad battery. Looks like we’re grounded. I returned to put my power charger on charge on the communal porch. Robert came to the rescue, hop in, and I hopped in, off we went, Robert, Eloisa with her Blue and his HaiChi in the back, and me in the passenger seat.
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We ended up at our original destination, before the vamper refused to start. I had beer and we waited a long time to order. Robert and the waiter apparently have had discussions several times and now they were sparring. He wanted a certain mix of fried ingredients wrapped into a burrito, no sauce, do not cut the burrito in half. After a while the food came out, my Pollo Tropical with chicken, pineapple, and ham and the usual beans and such. Robert’s burrito came out and it fell apart as he tried to eat it in his hands. Animal. The wait staff was on hand and they talked about how the burrito should have been wrapped. I couldn’t finish my meal as good as it was, and gave the rest for Blue to eat out of my hand. Robert was feeding HaiChi.
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Incredibly the bill for the 3 of us, including treats for the dogs, was only $33. The waiter complained about his small tip after all that work, but it was a %20 tip. I hadn’t asked for anything special.
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I had watched a video on YouTube on replacing the starter on a Ford Windstar. First disconnect the ground cable from the battery, then disconnect the cables from the starter, take off a cap nut and two studs, pull the old starter, put in the new one in reverse order, done and done, piece of cake. My tools were far away on Kaimu. Robert’s tools were nearby.
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I went to find Robert to confirm I could use his tool set that was nearby to the Breezeway and Eloisa’s vamper. He was parked remotely, hidden, yes I could use his tools. Yes, you can use my tools, that way you can take on this problem and run with it.
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Getting the old starter out started out smoothly, but I was using Robert’s tool set and some of the wrenches, etc. were too long to work on the nuts and bolts. I ended up searching for shorter wrenches or sockets, and I had to return to Kaimu to get my old set of tools that had been wire brushed for rust, and now were rusty again. It was hard to find the correct socket because they were rusty. I tried comparing one of Robert’s shiny sockets that fit, but were half inch drive, and the half inch ratchet had no room. I needed some of my collection of sockets and ratchets.
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With the correct tools on hand I could install the new starter quickly, well, relatively quickly. I got it back together, she was holed up inside. The bugs were out to kill.
I was eager to have her try to start the vamper. I cautioned her to keep it in park, plus I got up again, in pain, and nothing happened.
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I was devastated. All that work and it still didn’t work. What the hell did we miss. Eloisa grew up in a garage that her dad owned and Robert was adept as anyone with anything, it seems. I was covered with grime and grease. Eloisa gave me a bunch of precious baby wipes and I cleaned a lot off. I had also cleaned off any bug spray that still existed, they attacked. I had an idea the old starter wasn’t bad, so I needed clip leads and went back to Kaimu to find some.
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I washed up with some Fast Orange pumice soap and searched for clip leads to test the old starter. I also drew a glass (plastic) of merlot from my dwindling supply. I sprayed myself with Back Woods Off from a non aerosol sprayer. The bugs were atrocious. I rode back to the vamper.
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I came back with some clip leads to test the old starter with voltage straight from the battery. It worked, but that doesn’t say how well, but it worked. Then I thought of the problem with the new starter. I looked at the test sheet that they send with the starter. It shows performance, voltages, rpm’s, current, and if it tested good, it must be good, there must be something else wrong with the car.
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I said we needed jumper cables and Eloisa went to get them from Robert. I hooked up the red cable to positive on the battery and tried it on any of the terminals on the starter, nothing. I ran the black cable from the negative on the battery to metal.
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The car started. I removed the red cable to the positive terminal of the starter and said try again. The car started. The problem was the ground path from the battery to the engine block. Replacing the starter was a futile torture.
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The next day I was feeling better and we did some work on the starter on the vamper. I found the ground path was bad, and if that was so, then maybe the old starter could be placed back in and we could save $140. I found down near the starter the loose end of the ground cable. All I needed to do was remove a nut from one of the starter studs and connect the ground cable. I scraped any corrosion off it first, then searched through all my rusty sockets to find the right one. The job was done right away, and tested good. Clean up with old paper towels soaked in olive oil. We are on our way.
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The old starter wasn’t swapped back in because it was having problems with the ground cable correctly installed, before I disassembled everything, and the new starter was noticeably stronger turning the engine over.
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First we went to O’reilly’s to get our $40 core deposit back, then to Publix to shop and China Wok for some lunch fodder. Eloisa wanted to park closer for me, my hip was very painful now, but I insisted she park in the shade, way over on the other side of the mall so Blue would not be overheated.
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Inside the Chinese restaurant I ordered something off the menu, shrimp with garlic sauce in a dinner combo with pork fried rice and egg rolls. After about 15 minutes it was ready and I hoped Eloisa was done with shopping and would drive by and pick me up.
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I painfully walked back to the vamper and on the way used a loose shopping cart like a walker. I ended up going the whole way, then sat and waited for a while. I ate one of the egg rolls. Eventually she showed up and stowed her groceries and we continued back to the boatyard. We snuck into the Breezeway where it was cool. It was OK, Eloisa was pet watching Lady, a black lab bitch of the Breezeway renter. The food was excellent and voluminous. Eloisa brought out a box of merlot which we attacked. Goes well with Shrimp with Garlic Sauce. Eloisa brought Lady out for walkies and whatever else. What a beautiful dog. Blue was jealous. Eloisa saw he was guarding me from Lady!
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Midafternoon I had to return to Kaimu to rest my hip and maybe watch some March madness, Loyola vs Drake. I began writing. The image is what I got searching vamper at saatchiart.com. It is an oil on canvas painting by Jason Pearson, available for purchase on that site.