The Costas
13 August 2017
Mom always says that the joy of this life is that you can just move on if you don't like a place. Well, according to Mom, she got to spend her 23rd wedding Anniversary in the "Costa Del Shite". Scrappy and I think Mom is being rather harsh so we have decided to tell you about our highlights in the Costas.
1. Tacky Touristy Restaurants. They do like their "English" here, and we get to eat the leftovers that have fallen from the tables. Sausage, egg, bacon and chips - what dog would not be salivating at that tasty treat, and they even throw in a free pint at breakfast. Pizza crusts, fish fingers, bacon, hamburgers, pukka pies and kebab bits are also available if you know where to look along the pavement. Dog heaven! (Scrappy)
2. Fashion. Scrappy likes to keep his finger on the pulse when it comes to fashion, and often allows mom to paint his toenails, so he has been eyeing up the latest in beach wear. There are such brightly coloured bikinis here, but they do not necessarily fit the person wearing it. To move from beach to bar they throw over a sleeveless tee shirt which clings tightly to the wet bikini. Apparently this is meant to be a sexy look, but Dad is getting old and says it looks more like a lactating female...... now we know who has been watching too much "Call the Midwife" on DVD!!!! Dad ripped his shorts the other day, and was going to throw them away until we got here. Thank goodness he kept them as the height of fashion is exposing one's fat, sweaty cheeky bottoms. As for us, we have seen a lot of shaven things called Chinese Crested dogs. Although it looks very cooling, you can forget that, we have a reputation to keep. (Tinker).
3. Disability Friendly. They do like their mobility scooters here, and we have seen lots of dogs on their owners laps. Scrappy is particularly taken with this idea, and doesn't see why he should be made to walk. The beaches are 'scooter friendly' as they have wooden pathways to drive the scooters onto the beach. Sadly, one lady over did the acceleration this morning and ended up in the sand revving like crazy. Mom was bent over with a fit of giggles when the lady got off and walked away. They all seem to be able to get off their buggies and walk quite some distance to secure their spot on the beach, or to the cheapest bar. It must be all that sun that makes them so energised .(Tinker)
4. The Lidl supermarket. You can not beat a good Lidl. You know where you are with the quality and the sausages are always in the first aisle and are very tasty. Dad on the other hand loves the bread slicing machine and often comes back with an extra loaf". It is Grandma Janey's favourite shop. Mom did that thing where she raises her eyebrows when Dad suggested they had to go on their anniversary, as he needed milk. I think he should have managed with black coffee!!! (Scrappy)
5. Anchoring in company. The anchorages have kept us entertained with jet skis circling round the boat at a hundred miles an hour. I think it is great as we get a free roller coaster ride, and Dad clearly loves them as he shouts positive affirmations. They have the whole of the sea to enjoy, but it is so friendly that they prefer to play near us, and it saves Mom and Dad from exercising Tinker as she runs up and down the boat wagging her tail and barking. (Scrappy)
6. Pub quiz. Mom and Dad are always telling us, "if you don't use it, you lose it" and that is why Mom teaches me useless tricks like "sit and stay" or even worse "paw". So we were delighted that the loud speaker of one bar could be heard across the anchorage and Mom and Dad were able to participate in the English pub quiz which was particularly taxing on their brains as it went on until well after midnight. I don't think they did so well, as there was a lot of moaning and groaning. They were quite clearly jealous of Kevin, who must be very clever as the quiz master kept shouting, "Well done Kevin another point to you". (Tinker)
7. Karaoke nights. Dad loves a good sing song, and so we were particularly pleased to see the party boats. They swing into the anchorages and blare out loud music and karaoke. There were a lot of gyrating bodies on deck, drinking sangria and mojitos and participating in party games including the 'drink too much and vomit' game. It was good to see Mom and Dad having a go at gyrating on deck. They both thought it wildly hysterical but Mom declared it most unpleasant and told Dad that at 39 degrees he could keep his sweaty body to himself!!! (Tinker)
8. Positive body images. It is wonderful to see the expanse of beaches are covered with people who obviously feel at home in their bodies and like to share that with others. There are no size 8, 10, 12 or even 14 cat walk models here. Scrappy feels at home lying on the beach snoring away exposing his pot belly to the world. Mom has given us a biology lesson in how males can sometimes get breasts and huge nipples. We have been mesmerised, whilst Dad has done a lot of shaking of his head. According to Mom if you were to discover 'those breasts' on your wedding night it would traumatise you for ever !!! There is acre upon acre of raw, red flesh on display, baking nicely in the heat and no one bats an eye lid. Mom and Dad should be alright then!!!! (Tinker)
9. Espanol por favor. I have always tried to make myself understood in a different language. The Spanish dogs like to talk away at you in a fast and furious manner, and get louder and louder. Dad has found the same with humans, but he has managed superbly. There is not a gear box part he can not name in Spanish, and can hold a basic conversation. Mom on the other hand was going to be fluent by now, but she still has to write down te verde (green tea) on a note pad as they struggle with her pronunciation. Dad ordered a small glass of beer and a red wine in Spanish at a little bar where Friday night is curriokke, (curry, pint and free karaoke entertainment). The waiter turned to him and said in a very strong Liverpuddlian accent "sorry mate, can you say that again in English". Now you can not ask better than that, Dad got a night off from translating and got exactly what he ordered. (Scrappy)
10. Free Entertainment. This part of Spain is full of expats, and they do know how to party. Teddy was on saxophone and loved the attention of the ladies with bright orange hairdos, overly strong perfume and fake Prada handbags (mom has one of those and did have bright orange henna hair 23 years ago). A man dressed as Frankie, belted out "My way" and the ladies were swooning. At the next bar, the Liverpuddlian was shouting out quiz questions and in the far corner of the marina complex everyone was in awe of a couple performing dance routines which looked like something out of a school dance competition, rather than John Travolta. It did Mom and Dad the world of good, they came back positively glowing from the excitement of it all, and Mom still has the giggles when she thinks of those deep bends and gyrating hips!!! Dad is fifty next year, and we feel he is jealous of the men with their Elvis hairstyle or comb over!!! We might club together for a hair piece for him!!!!
Mom feels that the excitement is all a bit too much, and has asked to bypass the coast even if it means a few nights at sea. What a spoilsport! As we write this, we have been at sea for nearly 36 hours missing out our number one holiday hotspot - Benidorm!!!!!!