Anniversaries
06 August 2019
Sadie
This week is a week of anniversaries - seven years since I was told I had a diagnosis of chronic lymphocytic leukaemia, a year since I had sepsis following chemotherapy and most importantly twenty five years since we got married.
Jules and I started going out a few months after my twenty first birthday. I worked at the local pub to help finance my way through university. I would like to think it was my gorgeous looks and sparkling personality that attracted him to me, but I rather think it was the free beer that I gave him with on a Friday night. I wore low cut tops, tight skirts, way too much makeup and had a lot of henna red hair which matched my lively temper. Jules thought he was a very snappy dresser, with green jeans, Doc Martins and silk shirts! We holidayed together two months later in Ireland. We got wickedly drunk most nights, and even now I don’t think I could touch a Pernod and Black. It was a magical holiday and it was on one of those drunken nights I confessed to being in love. From that point onwards, Jules was a permanent resident at my university digs. He was working at the MEB at the time and had day release to do a degree at Wolverhampton Poly. I will never know how he passed as we would both skip lectures on a Wednesday and stay in bed together. Within seven months we were engaged and had bought a little terraced house in Brierley Hill.
We married two years later on the 6th August 1994. We had a traditional church wedding with all our friends and family there, and the lovely Rev Alan Elgar doing the service. For months he subjected both of us to pre wedding meetings at the vicarage. First we had the incident of the spoon. He gave Jules a cup of tea with a Jesus spoon (a mini Jesus is on the end of the spoon). Jules had never seen one before and digged me in the ribs pointing to the spoon. I don’t know why we found it so funny but we had fits of giggles. On the second meeting Alan finished with a prayer and never said ‘Amen’’. Alan and I were at the door saying goodbye and Jules was still in the lounge with eyes shut, hands together and head bowed, this time it was Alan and I having the giggles. Finally, Alan was typing out our bans on an old typewriter. I had just had a modern one, and I meant to say, ‘ I don’t know how you can type without an eraser key’. I got as far as, ‘ I don’t know how you can type without an erection’ and stopped. I went bright red, Jules nearly choked and Alan just winked!!!! We had our reception in Dudley and a three week honeymoon in Europe. My family moved to Wales whilst we were on honeymoon and Jules Mom and Dad lived two miles away but visited our house no more than ten times in the ten years we lived there. Nan and Grandad’s house became our second home, where the chip pan and pancake batter shaker were always ready should we want to stay for tea. And of course there were bottles and bottles of Grandad’s homemade wine for Nan and I to get through!!
Those early years of marriage were truly magical, with few family ties we became fiercely independent and did what we wanted, when we wanted and have got used to that way of life ever since. We hosted some great parties, camped most weekends, dinghy sailed whenever we could and had some amazing exotic holidays. We both progressed in our careers, with me as a teacher and Jules as a Project manager and we managed a great home/work life balance. As we moved into our thirties we bought a house in France with twenty acres of land. We had a massive wood with wild boar in it, and a little stream. We had some wonderful times there but the sailing still called and we bought our first little yacht. Eight years later we sold the French house and bought a succession of new yachts before settling on the old, but well built Leslie Frank. We added to the family with Tinker and Scrappy and called ourselves a ‘proper family with a boy and girl’ and dreamt of the day we could sail away.
Then came our forties, when our happy, carefree life came to a crashing halt. Jules was made redundant at the same time as I became ill. When Jules said, “in sickness and in health” I am sure he had not envisioned taking me into an oncology ward and watching me go through various operations, and chemotherapy. Nor 5 years later, leaving me in a Spanish hospital when I lost sight in my eye and cancer cells were detected behind the eye and in the brain and spinal fluid. Nine months later he was holding my hand once more as my oncologist told me I was in remission for the second time, but they had found a benign brain tumour behind the eye. Some days I am sure he thinks I am winking at strangers. In reality I am just closing one eye to see if my vision is still okay!!! I am sure he also never expected to be woken at 3am in the morning with his hand placed on my groin, to find I wasn’t after his body but wanted him to check that the lump I had found was nothing more than a mosquito bite and not some cancerous tumour!!! His unwavering faith that I would get through treatment carried me through the many months of chemo, and more than anything he never treated me like a china doll. We walked up Snowdenand part of the Penine way during treatment and he argued fiercely with my oncologist that socialising and attending exercise classes were good for my mental wellbeing. When l had sepsis twelve months ago and my oncologist advised against crossing the Atlantic (our dream) he plastered on a smile and fetched our beloved Leslie Frank back to me.
If we could, we would return this damned diagnosis in a flash. However, I would not return the hundreds of ways that this diagnosis has awakened my soul, made me feel fully alive and dazzled me with the wonder of living. In the last five years we understand the vow ‘for richer and poorer’ and have managed on an average of £20 spending money per day but we have ......
Sailed to a hundred Greek islands and through the Corinth and Kiel Canals and the straits of Messina. We crossed the Bay of Biscay in beautiful weather and even managed a swim alongside the boat. We have sailed with killer whales in Gibraltar and dolphins in the Bosporus. We have danced naked in the rain in Italy and to Zorba Music in Paxos. We have eaten tagine in the Blue City in Morocco, whelks and oysters in Vannes, swordfish in Italy, lobster in the Scilly Isles, sardines in Portugal, octopus in Greece, sausages at the top of the Shilthorn, tuna at street markets in Marseille, Pasta Norma in Catania, padron peppers in Soller, sea urchins in Ibiza and roasted goat in Albania. We have celebrated Easter in Cartagena with thousands of penitents dressed in hooded robes marching through the streets and outside the Vatican in Rome. We spent Christmas in Malta, where Jules became part of the pantomime, dressed as a giant baby and Ramadan on the Turkish isle of Bozcada with fireworks and parades. We have swum with seals in the Netherlands, dolphins in the Spanish Rias, turtles in Kefelonia and octopus in the Balearics. We paraglided in Switzerland and took a speedboat through the lakes of Montenegro. We have climbed a few volcanos, covered ourselves in the hot mud on the island of Vulcano and have watched the hot ash fall on the boat in Sicily. We survived both a traditional hamman and coup in Turkey and stood on the beach of Gallipoli where Jules’ Grandfather fought. We have enjoyed a glass of wine on the edge of the Italian lakes, and as storks and flamingoes have flown overhead in Sardinia. We have supped beer in Germany and drank ouzo with the sea lapping over our feet at tavernas in Greece. We have sampled raki fresh from the stills of Albania and Nero de Avlo from the vats of Scilly. We have watched an opera in Cartania, a bull fight in Portugal, a ballet in Valletta, rock concerts in Spain, umpah bands in Brugge and choirs in the Channel Islands. We learnt to kayak in Jersey and have now kayaked to the famous caves of Lagos and through the National Parks of Corsica watching Osprey circle overhead and in Holland looking for beavers. We learnt to paddle board in Majorca and use them to explore islands and to transport Tinker ashore. We have taken the dinghy out to see the seals on the Frisian Isles and to watch Stromboli erupt at night. We have visited some of the wonders of the ancient world including Olympus, the tower of Hercules, Pompei, Troy, the oracle of Delphi and retraced much of the voyage of Odysseus. We have visited the burial sites of St James, St Andrew, St. Peter and St Barnabus and joined the pilgrims in Santiago De Compestella. We have walked through the jasmine scented hills of France, eucalyptus forests in Portugal, vineyards of Alsace, forests of Denmark and through the sunflower and lavender fields in Provence and have even been naked dog walking in Spain.
As I write this I am in a perfect little harbour in Denmark. It is said to be the happiest country in the world and it feels like it. Our days are spent sailing between islands and then paddle boarding, kayaking and swimming. We have not been to a supermarket in two weeks, but manage on the wonderful fresh produce sold at local farms and houses and make use of the free BBQ ‘s . We have walked through the most amazing forests, which appear enchanted first thing in the morning, and have visited deserted islands with nothing but deer and mouflon for company. We have found wild camping lodges in the woods where we have cooked bacon sandwiches for breakfast. Last night we had a camp fire on the beach and toasted our flat breads on the ashes and cooked our tagine on our little camp stove. As we clinked our glasses together we toasted the next 25 years and commented on having the best ‘table in the restaurant’. A washed up tree to sit on, a fire to keep us warm and the sea washing up gently on the beach. Today we have cycled round the island of Samso, passed fields of corn and sunflowers and working windmills. We stopped in a busy little port for freshly cooked fish straight off the boat and Jules bought me a beautiful bunch of cornflowers.
The last twenty five years seem to have gone in the blink of an eye. Jules is my best friend, my anchor and the love of my life. We don’t know what the future holds, but with Jules by my side I can conquer the world. Happy Anniversary.
How long will I love you?
As long as stars are above you, and longer if I can.
How long will I need you?
As long as the seasons need to follow their plan
How long will I be with you?
As long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand
How long will I want you?
As long as you want me to, and longer by far.
The Waterboys.