From my journal at 8:45pm last night:
"My buddy Bill was as sweet as pie today as I unexpectedly bawled my eyes out, he reassuring me and encouraging me as only he can.
I have spent two days with mum and away from my Nev,
I needed and wanted to be here.
Mum's eyes and memories seem empty...
she laughs as I dab my sweaty face...
she laughs as I strip naked and climb into the pond at the farm...
but, when I ask her to tell me what it's like to be almost 90, she stares at me blankly...
and then she smiles as she repeats "I'm almost 90!"
I reprimand myself for my impatience with her, for needing more...
and then I realize it's that, selfishly, I want her old self back...
the self that would read the sadness in my eyes and gently coax it out of me...
the self that would love a good story and laugh or cry as I told it...
the self that would enjoy a glass of wine and a long chat, sharing her insights only when asked...
these days there is no spontaneous chatter...
her words too difficult to find in her mind.
It's as tho we are biding time
awaiting the inevitable
some days are harder than others
And I wonder why
I pray that GOD would take her home
and I believe HE doesn't because there are lessons yet to be learned
I pray, for her sake, that I learn them soon...
She is having as little fun as I am
tho some moments of these days are so joy-filled I wouldn't miss them for the world and dread how much I will miss her...
after all, she's always been my biggest fan!
But I see the tiredness in her eyes...
I hear it in her breathing...
I feel it in her touch, her body so tender to be touched these days...
she asking me tonight why I was touching her...
me answering that I wanted her to feel my love...
to which she relaxed and smiled,
and fell asleep,
as the tears, once more, slide down my cheeks."
I am blessed to be here...
and I'm so grateful to Letty and Narda and Yesi, angels on earth who help me so sweetly to take care of mum.

Nev and I were engaged when we left on BLUE in November of 2009, but it was in the Sea of Cortez 6 months later that he truly proposed and a wedding date was set.
So it seemed totally natural that we would retrace some of our steps today as we celebrate 12 years of roller coaster, adventure filled marriage!
We started with a bottle of champagne in one of our favorite bays, Bahia de Los Muertos, where we celebrated both my 50th and 60th birthdays and where we created amazing memories with fellow boaters in 2010.
Next stop: Tecolote Beach where a cute rinky dinky bar on the beach produces some of the best margaritas ever, the same beach to which we have returned many times over the years, a beach we spotted as we made our way thro a windswept channel on BLUE in 2010 too.
And then a night in La Paz where BLUE and Nev and I lived off and on thro the winter of 2010, the same town that celebrated with us that fateful night Nev was rescued and returned to me ♥️
We had a sweet cocktail hour on the rooftop of our hotel watching the sun set, significant because we were married at sun set...
followed by an unexpectedly yummy seafood pizza at a restaurant we'd stepped into and out of and back into by mistake!!
Happy anniversary my love...
I love growing old with you!
♥️🥂♥️

The tears rolled spontaneously and gently down Dill's cheeks as he saw his beautiful bride walk toward him down the aisle, love beaming from both their faces,
and so the tears rolled down our cheeks spontaneously too.
Denis, who married Trevor and Star 14 years ago, and four years later Nev and I, welcomed them and us and married them, too, in a sweet and simple ceremony.
Dillon kissed his beautiful Julie before he was supposed to which had us all laughing and clapping
and then we were standing and welcoming the newly weds, Mr and Mrs Dillon Hansen ♥️🥂♥️
The celebration afterwards was fabulous: a Bluegrass band filled the night air with their music, tables groaned under the weight of a spread of delicious food to be devoured, cocktails flowed freely and the dance floor was packed with happy revelers celebrating love and marriage.
Congrats Dillon and Julie
Welcome to the family Mrs Hansen
And thanks for the dance my boy!

A panic email received en route to Buena Vista over an oil pan that needed to be replaced at the restaurant picked out by Dill and Julie for their rehearsal dinner added grey hairs to my head but was resolved in time for the party to go on!!
While Nev attended the wedding rehearsal with the rest of the wedding party this afternoon, Zoe and Annie sweetly helped me prepare The House Rock Kitchen with rearranged tables and chairs, cheesecloth table runners, and flowers delivered by Maddison that included Dill's fave, sunflowers, and daisies for Julie.
Shannon and his buddy set up their two man band, and the stage was set for an amazing rehearsal dinner for Dill and Julie and the 110 guests invited!
The weather was warm and the speeches given by Nev, Paula and close friends of the couple were even warmer... tears flowed as much as laughter roared at the stories of love and childhood, college and adulthood, strengths and challenges and their love for each other were told from every which angle!!
The food was delish
The cocktails flowed
And the evening could not have been any more perfect a kick-off for the big day, just one day away! ♥️
PS more photos from Candace on her lovely big camera to follow!!

Forty three years ago Maureen, Nev's sister, gave her baby boy up for adoption.
Today she got to hold him and hug him and see him face to face for the first time!
What a moment for both of them and all of us too...
she has a son and a daughter-in-law and a granddaughter now
and we have a nephew
all thanks to Ancestry
and Heidi’s research and persistence.
Words cannot express the joy 💙

"Life is a book and your forties are the chapters when it all starts making sense!"
Anonymous
Tonight we celebrated Trevor's 40th birthday and his official retirement and we did it in laid back style in Salida, CO, a fun town half an hours drive from Buena Vista.
Trev's best buddy, Anthony, flew in from Brazil both for the birthday celebration and the wedding and it was sweet seeing his face again and hearing his stories over dinner.
And our table was full of fun and laughter and good food as we gathered with Trev, Star, Dillon, Julie, Dax and Heidi for this most auspicious occasion, that simply had to be topped off with Icecream and a walk along the river.
Happy birthday Trev...
and welcome to retirement...
what a fun journey you have ahead of you!