Star Date: 12182010.0105
I have a very bad habit, one that has crippled my decision making process my whole life. My ex-wife called it a medical condition and recommended I should seek help. Maybe that is why after 35 years of marriage ...well like I said many times, I do not look back on the past. Getting back on track, the habit I have had my whole life and that is, I tend to dive into whatever I am doing and shut myself off from the outside world until either one; I have talked myself out of doing whatever it was I was working on or two; I get so deep into something that I become a world within myself for long periods of time and then finally never carry out what I thought was the answer to see if it really is the answer I was looking for. In other words my whole life has been full of indecision that has cost me time, money and relationships, not necessarily in that order. There is one exception to this oddity, if I can call it that, and that is my job. I can honestly say I have found MY job. I love my job very much, I look forward to going to work every day, I get paid what I believe is good money for the job I perform, and I am surrounded by co-workers that are equally as enthusiastic as I. So what if it took me 50 years to find that job. Why do you ask am I bringing this up at this time? I thought you would ask that question and here is what brought me to this point. Last month I was talking to my kids about what I was going to do in retirement, Mary's and my future. I was explaining to them how Mary and I are moving onto Midnight Breeze in a few of years, heading south to sail the tropical waters of the Caribbean. The first words I heard were, dad this is just another one of your hair brain ideas that you will never carry through with. The more I talked the more they disbelieved. I guess I don't have anyone to blame but myself for the way they reacted. So, this week when we had gotten together again, I told them I had sold Midnight Breeze. I could see just what they were thinking by the expression on their faces. But that quickly changed when I further explained that Mary and I in turn bought a new 43 foot sail boat. I further explained that the new boat would have almost all the necessary equipment for our travels south. The facial expressions on both went from a smug smirk to; he's really serious this time. Finally, it was my granddaughter who first spoke up... Pop Pop, that means I won't get to see you as much and that is going to make me sad. You know, no matter how well or how long you prepare yourself for something, the unexpected will develop. I thought it would be my daughter asking the questions not a four year old. So, I went into my lecture and explained just what this dream meant to me and Mary. I explained that our absence was only going to be for the six months of winter and that during that time we would make several trips back home, like for the holidays, to visit. I also mentioned that this would be a good opportunity for each one of them to come down, no matter where we are, and spend some quality time in the islands with us. Then I told the grandkids that I had picked the six months during winter because they would be in school anyway and when we returned it would be summertime and school would be out. Guess what happened? My daughter and son warmed to the idea. My granddaughter Sam (Samantha) didn't buy it for a minute. Like my father use to say, you win some and you lose some. I told my daughter you have three years to get the kids use to the fact that during the winter months we are not going to be around. And I left it at that. That night, as I was lying in bed I did what I always do, I locked myself away in my own little world trying to analyze the evening. A little while later I turned to Mary, she looked at me and said "Dave, I can see that you are still worried about the kids!" I said "Mary, my love, I will always worry about the kids no matter where we are, here or in the islands. But I did solve one problem tonight, all along I have said I was worried the kids would not take this very well but tonight I discovered that this is not about the kids it's about us and has always been about us. Mary, I have come to the conclusion that waiting three more years is too long." Mary then asked what I was going to do about that, I turned to her and said "Well I'll have to think on that for awhile! And we both laughed until we were in tears.