Starry Night

BERMUDA
Entrance into St George harbor is one I'll probably never forget. Obviously because of the rough journey, but also because of the entrance itself. The entrance is well marked, so well marked, in fact that as you're looking at it from sea, you can't quite believe that they expect you to take a boat through THERE. The entrance is called the town cut, because they literally cut a channel out of rock cliff. After being out of sight from land for so long, it is very un-nerving to have to be so very close to it.

Once entering the harbor, you are surrounded by calm azure blue seas, cliffs and beautifully pastel colored houses. I think the towns in Bermuda are as colorful as the reefs just off the beaches.

After enduring so much to get here, we vowed to enjoy every minute of being here. We were going to take a couple of days and not think about the boat, not think about what had just happened or what was to come, but just enjoy where we were.

Bermuda makes it easy to do it. Every aspect is so different from Maine, the flora, ocean, architecture. Driving is even on the opposite side of the road. We can watch tropical fish from the cockpit of our boat as they explore for anything edible. We passed puffer-fish on the way to the dinghy dock and can see brain coral from the docks. It really is amazing.

Yesterday was beach day. We had been tempting the girls with promises of pink sand beaches and wanted to deliver. We caught the bus from St George to Hamilton and then to the beaches. The bus ride itself was an adventure, due to the narrowness of the roads, speed of the ride and strange feeling that you're on the wrong side. It is also incredibly scenic.

We went to Horseshoe Bay Beach. The sand was pink, a very light pink, powdery soft and warm. The beach had an area of open sand forming the horseshoe U, cornered by rock and reef. We could climb on the rocks and watch the Parrot fish swim around. The girls didn't enjoy the snorkeling as much as we did, but that's OK. They enjoyed just being in the water.

Not long after getting there, Amanda ran into another girl her age. She was in total heaven. It's been really hard for her to be away from friends and everyone her age for so long. I'm sure adults are OK company, but they not much fun. Alyssa also found someone to play with. Bob and I just relaxed and took turns snorkeling.

Soon a family showed up with kids' surfboards. Amanda's friend ran right over and made friends, joining in with the surfing. This had a devastating effect on Amanda. She was devastated that her friend would just up and leave her and she felt left of the surfing. I didn't have to ask, it was written all over her face. She was in tears before long and it was heartbreaking to watch.

Being a parent is so difficult sometimes. Watching your child suffer and trying to decide what is the best thing to do is impossible. I knew why she was sad and it would have been easy to walk over and ask the dad in the group if she could have joined in, but that wouldn't fix it. I couldn't fix it, only she could. She cried and told me how much it hurt to have a friend walk off and also that she really, really wanted to try the surfing, but was too shy to ask.

I gave her the only advice that I could: If you want the opportunity, you have to try. Yes, it is hard and even scary. But, if you do nothing, you won't get to try and you will always feel awful about this moment and this day. If you do try, if you ask to join in, they might say no, but you'll have lost nothing and you will know that you did everything you could. But, they may say yes, and if they say yes, you get to join in and you'll know that it was all because you were able to find the courage to make it happen.

To my disappointment, she didn't go and ask. She sat on the towel with me and looked longingly as the other kids surfed, then put the boards away and played a different game. As I sat there feeling terrible with her, I realized something. I needed to follow my own advice. I had, and still have, a lot of fear because of events that happened on the trip over. I am afraid to sail out of this harbor. I am afraid, but I am the only one who can fix this. We could sell the boat and go home, we could hire a crew so that I didn't have to do anything, but then I will always be afraid and I will always feel awful about this moment and this journey. I have to push past this and keep trying, otherwise, all I'll have is the fear.

I will have to learn to be more like my daughter, because she did eventually gain the courage to ask to join in and she did have a chance to try surfing and she stood up on her first trip into the beach and I was so proud of her that I sat there and cried.