Yesterday, I had to do something I haven't had to do since I got married - I did the laundry. I "pretended" quite naturally that I was inept long ago and Kathy just decided that it was better if she did it. I was content to let her have that job, because I would be free to do more important things such as eating, sleeping, and watching TV. Now, I don't want to brag, but I was able to do seven loads of laundry inside of 3 hours whereas it takes Kathy about a whole day. Here's the secret...

First load all the clothes into three bags. Three is the magic number because all of the laundry won't fit in one bag (or two).

Second, carry all the bags to the bus stop. This step is critical because this is the only way to get to the laundry mat. Note: Bags can be a bit heavy and you may look a bit wimpy trying to carry them. Employ child to carry a bag so that she looks more wimpy than you.

Third, wait at the bus stop and look pitiful as cars drive by. It's hard to look cool with three bags of laundry on the street. Waiting at the bus stop requires a bit of humility.

I recruited my oldest daughter Tara to come with me as she wanted to get out for awhile. I'm not sure it this is what she had in mind. She was a good sport about it though.

We arrived at the laundry mat and went straight to work. If we finished quickly (1 � hours) we could have a free return trip on the bus.

We sorted the laundry and loaded seven washing machines. I gave Tara a lot of quarters and she started feeding the machines. I started from the other side and felt great pleasure that I could load quarters into the machine faster than her. I started to sit down and Tara informed me that my machines had not started. I hadn't put enough money in them. In my day, a dollar would still do a load of laundry. I guess that's not true anymore.

Tara and I sat down on the couch. An old man walked in and looked somewhat haggard. He kept to himself and so did we. He was coughing a bit. We saw another man appear that seemed to work at the place. He opened the front door which was next to the couch. It was cold out, but hey - it's his place.

The old guy quickly retrieved his laundry and left. The guy that worked there came and closed the door. He spoke to us. "You know the two places your most likely to get sick from - the hospital and the laundry mat. That guy in here just got out of some sick bed. It had to be from today, or yesterday. Germs take about four hours to filter out of this place with the doors closed. I opened the door to save you guys."

We, of course, thanked him profusely, and then quietly sneaked away to wash ourselves. We went to the bagel shop across the street to use their bathroom. They didn't have one. We decided to eat bagels instead and forget about the germs. (Note: This is step 4 - make sure that the door of the laundry mat is open.)

We finished in record time and realized that we didn't have a bus schedule. That is an important last step (Take Note!). We waited outside a smog place with our clothes for about 30 minutes. Tara talked on the cell phone with her friend. I just stood there with three bags of laundry around me looking cool.