Holy Smokes It's Almost Canada Day

If I offended anyone with my previous ranting then I apologize to everyone who took offence except for the damned he/she who wouldn't give me a ride....You know you're a red neck when......:):)

I keep getting Emails telling me to write more often. Well it is not easy to find humour every day ya know!!! Everyone gets down once in a while and it has been my turn to pout. I've snapped out of it now though and look forward to the rest of the summer with anticipation.

I purchased my fishing licence a few days ago and went out in my tender to catch a big spring salmon. No luck! But I did catch a red snapper so the trip wasn't a total write off. I got my brother in law to fillet it as it has been much too long since I have prepared a bottom fish and I wanted to save as much meat as possible. Herb did a great job and after watching him memories came flooding back so I am sure I can do the next ones myself.

So far I figure that red snapper is worth about $ 20,000.00 if you include the cost of the boat, getting it in the water, licensing, mooring fees, fuel, taxes, and everything else that goes along with owning a boat I probably owe my Dad half that amount at least so Thanks a million Dad for all your support.

I am sure that you all know what B O A T means...."Bring Out Another Thousand." Anyway, I figure that I need to catch at least 10,000 fish to break even. Whew...at the rate I am going that will only take about 600 years!!! I think I should sell the boat and buy shares in the aquarium...but I can't...or rather I won't because I just love being on the water full time.

I don't sail much right now as my shoulder combined with MS severely limits my ability to do almost anything so I motor or sit at the dock. I am sitting at the dock at French Creek right now but I think I will go back to Newcastle for a couple of weeks. Or maybe I will try Jedidia or Maple bay. It is the difference between living in a trailer park (dock) or living on acreage (on the hook)...with no lawns to cut and no grounds to tend!!!!

I did a cleanup today. Washed the cabin sole, cleaned the counters, and emptied the dreaded PORTA POTTY!!!!! God, that is a horrible job. The odours that emanate from that little tiny holding tank would and could knock over a full grown elephant!!!! The Admiral pulls rank all the time and the crew isn't capable so the DUTY falls on yours truly. So much for being the captain!!!

Any way I have to disconnect the sitting part from the holding tank then carry it onto the deck. I would go farther with it but I can't hold my breath any longer. And that's just the top!! Next comes the smelly part and I don't care how careful you are or what chemicals you use to hide the odour, the thing still stinks. And it is damned heavy 'cause I put off doing it till it is nearly over flowing. I struggle to lift the thing off its brackets (it has to be battened down in a sailboat or it would slide all over the place spilling its less then wonderful contents all over the place) then lift it and run for the cabin hatch. I can't make it out to the deck because the damned thing is way too heavy to carry up the ladder to the deck. And by now I have to breathe!!!! Oh God!!!!Lungs burning, nostrils melting off my face and running down my chin I finally manage to lift the tank out onto the deck. I take another breath hoping desperately for fresh air. It is marginally better but there is a really bad taste in the back of my throat. Like three week old road kill in gelatine form that is stuck to the little hangy down part at the back of my throat. And that's just the easy part.

After gagging, choking, drying the tears from my cheeks and reshaping my nose more to suit my face I manage to get the tank to the dock and begin the long trek to the public washroom (they have no pumping facilities here). Of course it is low tide and I have to balance my cane, the holding tank, and myself while I practically crawl up the ramp connecting the dock to dry land. Of course forty-eleven people gather to pass me on the ramp...poor souls...ya know it is truly amazing the amount of people who still carry hankies and bring them up to their noses as they pass. One woman lifted her blouse and stuck her head in the neck opening. I don't know why; she was down wind. Counting her blessings I guess.

At last I am at the top and stop to catch my breath. I look down and discover that the slide valve has somehow pulled out a bit and I am standing in a small but gross puddle of U KNOW WHAT!!!!!! Not only that but my whole left pant leg is wet and beginning to rot right off my body. No shower for me when this is over...sandblasting might work.

I close the valve and throw the aromatic tank in the van to drive the 200 yards to the public washroom. I am too embarrassed and out of good breathable air to walk. And that's when the real fun begins.

Thankfully the can is empty so I grab the tank and step inside. Someone was obviously there just before me and must have had pizza or Chinese the night before. Anyway it was roses compared to what was about to happen next.

Taking a deep breath and holding it I unscrewed the cap from the holding tank and turned the unit upside down over the toilet and flushed simultaneously. Out came a whole weeks worth of business all at once. GLUG! Unfortunately I forgot to loosen off the breather valve and so the contents sort of exploded out then sucked in some air then exploded out then sucked in some air etc. etc. I would say I got at least 99 percent in the toilet before it plugged up and threatened to overflow and by overflow I don't mean like a regular toilet plugs up and over flows where all there is is a few turds and lots of water.....Oh No!!! I mean overflow with a whole weeks worth of brown, evil, semi solid, oozing sludge. I panicked as the slurry lapped at the top of the toilet bowl.

IT STOPPED!!! It didn't go over and I suddenly realized I was still holding my breath and, without thinking, I took a big breath. Mistake. Up came breakfast as well as last nights supper...right into the almost overflowing bowl. Yup, You guessed it...just enough material to break the surface tension and down the side of the bowl it rolled.

If the last few paragraphs grossed you out, tough tittie! Think of what I had to go through cleaning the mess up. I won't go into any detail because you've probably had enough but I want to add one thing. When I stepped into that washroom I weighed 187 pounds...when I finally got out I weighed 173 pounds so I'm thinking of patenting the process as a quick way to loose 14 pounds in less then one hour!!!!!!!

Adrian, if you read this, all I can say is I hope you have a proper marine head. I can think of no better deterrent to living aboard than having to deal with a porta potty! If the boat you have recently purchased has one, then don't even empty it. Just sink the boat and buy a new one....take my word for it

Any hoo everything is OK now. The pot is back in the boat with a quart of "smell nice" in the holding tank. The only thing is the "smell nice" label says it contains formaldehyde....
.....isn't that what is used to preserve dead body parts??????

Till next time.......