This June is our 15th wedding anniversary and my wife wanted both of us to go on an Asian Cruise. She is so excited planning about everything for the cruise and I just couldn’t tell her that I am too anxious to be on a cruise for days. This is going to be our first cruise together with our three kids. My wife and our three children are all so excited about it that I really find it hard to refuse such plan. I don’t want to disappoint them but I also don’t like the feeling of being in a ship, in the middle of that very big blue ocean. It scares me. I couldn’t tell my kids about this because I don’t want them to have the same feeling too.

I am too afraid about feeling too dizzy and pass out in a ship at the presence of my kids. I don’t want them to panic.

The feeling of those waves hitting the bottom of the ship sends shivers to my bones. It feels like the end of the world for me. Yes, I know I sound funny and ridiculous. But, it’s true! I know my anxiety has no logical foundation. But, what can I do? Nothing would ever seem to stop me from feeling this way.

I don’t want to ruin their excitement as well. I already told my wife about all these anxiety in me. Although she never stops to comfort me and make me believe that everything will be alright but no amount of comforting words would seem to dissipate my anxiety by the time I am on board that huge ship.

A few days more to go and it’s going to be the month of June. I’ve been counting the days hard….and wishing...and hoping...and praying that I won’t spoil that special moment with my family.

As early as today, I can already imagine myself feeling too uncomfortable, nervous and fearful the whole time. Will I ever manage to smile?

On the other hand, I am also hoping that during that cruise with my wife and kids, I will be able to overcome my anxiety about traveling on a ship. The last time I was on a ship was when I was in high school. It was such a terrible experience I thought I would die in that very moment. But, here I am still living with that same anxiety I experienced decades ago.

If I refuse to go on a cruise with my family just because of my anxiety, I think it would be the worst thing that I would do for my family. I may feel worse but I have to be on that cruise.....because I know it would be my wife and my kids’ happiest moment of their lives.

I hope to be stronger this time. I need to. I have my children now and my wife. I need to be strong for them.

So, once again..I have to face my fears! I’m ready..ready to travel on that ocean!