How often should you clean your bottom and what should you clean it with? Some people do it at every opportunity and use velvety soft quilted tissue. On Ruffian we feel that once every 2 years is enough and rub it raw with sandpaper so rough it’ll bring tears to your eyes. It’s not that our personal hygiene has yet again reached another low; it’s that we’re talking about Ruffian’s bottom and not Fiona’s or Iain’s.

After sailing the length of the Caribbean we finally came to a yard which fitted all our criteria of getting Ruffian lifted, painted and prepped for another year in the water. Our criteria were 3 fold, it had to be cheap, it had to be cheap and it, errrr, had to be cheap.

Before we could start painting we had to first get Ruffian out of the water and this was going to be a heart stopping experience, not only because out hearts always stop when we go onto docks, but because this dock was fringed by a reef and there was barely enough water under us to keep us afloat.

Without a hitch the last of the water dripped off Ruffian’s keel she was chocked up and the work started in earnest. We literally worked our fingers to the bone as our supple, ‘office hands’ slowly became covered in blisters. Thankfully the blisters were then covered in layers of blue and white dust before protective layers of paint dried on our hands in the heat, all before being covered in petrol to remove the noxious chemicals and hardening the skin further. This was not part of Fiona’s ‘Oil of Ulay’ skin care regime.

With layer after layer of paint being applied we felt like Michelangelo working on a masterpiece as Ruffian’s bottom was transformed into a bottom a baby would be pleased with. We were also heartened to know that everything was as it should be and no nasty surprises lurked unseen under the water.

All these layers of paint came at a cost however. Paint takes time to dry and so we were living a land based llfe on a sea based platform. Not an ideal combination. Every small household chore turned into a science project. When we awoke every morning desperate for a wee the last thing our bladders needed was a science project. We had to traverse ladders, walk the length of the yard and then hope beyond hope that the loos are available and hadn’t been previously inhabited by Mr Hanky the Chrismas poo (youtube it and you’ll understand the horror).

After just 4 days on the hard we were like Cheshire cats as we made splashdown and we could rock gently at anchor again. Amazingly the seacocks didn’t leak, the log (which we’d forgotten to take out) continued to work and the engine purred happily into life. Ruffian was a happy boat, being back where she belongs and now with a fast smooth clean bottom.

Like a fish out of water.


How dirty is your bottom?


Time for a bit of a sort out.


Hotel Carriacou Marine


Blue hands and blisters.


Fiona gets to work on the prop.


Nice shiny sharp lines and smooth paint.


Splashdown.


They’re found oil in Wales. Or is spelling really that important?


Hotel Tyrell Bay.


Colourful Caribbean.


Yo Selfie.


The view from above.


Now that is what antifouling and boot stripes should look like.