SailBlog

A Cleared Day

Amazingly, the sun came out this morning in my being, though not so much in the sky. The build up to this frontal pass has been very gradual through the day and great sailing....I have had a good 'day after' experience given the challenges of yesterday...really a culmination of finishing four months alone on the ocean, in a little boat, rocking and a rollin 24/7.

Yesterday was a frustrating day to be amidst, but by the end of the clearing session, I was relieved and freer to deal with the situations that were still there but somehow more mangeable. But it was a very important day as now I have a way to deal with shadows of my life... I am blessed.

it was the first day of December so all my stores are refreshed...it is amazing how I do manage to ration the dried fruits and most of my rations...right down to the last day. I had one portion of fruit for breakfast, one more portion of ginger for my tea, and one more portion of the pineapple I like to start my day with... and the bags are all empty!

Now there are some stores that I am not managing well...the chocolate for one. I don't know how many small chocolate bars I brought actually...but I had an idea...and somehow, the chocolate bin seems to be multiplying bars or something...it is still not empty..but I am eating 2 or 3 a day, not one... So. There will the piper to pay at some point. No chocolate will be a hard one, but I have another bag for the second half of the trip...coming soon. so it will be rationing what is there that will determine whether I have the cocoa fix I enjoy all the way home.

Now, nuts are another treat that I have trouble making last...the soynuts especially. I just love to sit and munch on them and can't seem to divy out a small portion and let it be enough. My bag usually lasts the first ten days or so, but never til the end of the month. I also have some stores that I will be able to have halfway along the trip, the 17th of December... There are some more mixed nuts and almonds. I will have to see what I can do to put portions of them away, out of reach so that they make it closer to home otherwise the final stretch up the Atlantics may be without any snacks. I guess I figure I will be so happy to be nearing home that I will manage with the regular monthly rations. There are only a couple of extras, anyway.

Only a few weeks now until I get around the 'Islands'...The only area of the whole journey that I have not been before, and it was on purpose that I avoided this ridge... it goes from NZ all the way to Antarctica creating a bank that heaps up the seas into horrific breaking ocean swells. This is the place that getting around on the right timing is an absolute necessity. I am trusting that Bob McDavitt will help me to ensure that I do that. I have to make the rounding under good conditions or else I will have to alter my course to go between the NZ islands. But I have seen plenty of great windows over the past few weeks looking at the charts so I am trusting we will find a good window for me.

This is a real testing for me... I will find out how well I am doing on my healing journey path. I will let out such a huge sigh of relief when I am clear of it...just about the time I go across the international date line... I will be clear. I know...you are all going to hear about this next milestone until I get through it... Yes...I am nervous. It is a solid ten days from beneath Tasmania to NZ and really more than two weeks to get clear of NZ and out of harms way of any fronts coming behind me. So...

Cape Hope was a challenge and it was only 10* -20* to get around...but for this crossing of both Cape East(Tasmania) and Cape West (NZ) ( Iknow it seems backwards but the Cape East is on the east side of Tasmania's south coast, and Cape West is on the west coast of S. NZ. ), it will be more like 30* or more... the capes themselves are 20* apart. So we will all be holding our breath for quite some time. Actually, I have to practice not holding my breath if I am going to have any sanity in the process.

The seastate is increasing here and my point of sail is going to become an issue...I am way to parallel to the seas. They break over the side of the boat into the cockpit at the slightest opportunity. So at some point, if the seastate builds as it is suppose to, I will have to fall off my point, put the pole up and run with the seastates ESE a bit instead of ENE as I am trying to do. I really can't sail due east as it is in the wrong point of sail for these conditions.

Today has been a day of practicing presence, being in tuned with my inner body and God consciousness and listening. It is amazing how the energy of the front escalates limitlessly until it suddenly breaks the tension line between the warm and cold edges, where they meet. The wnd radicaly shifts 120*... and the second half of the storm comes...the rain, usually less wind, but a building sea in this ocean as the swell direction is always from the SW and so when the winds in the second half of the storm become SW, the two energies combine to increase the amplitude of the sea state.

Somehow that is what happens when anything comes into my life that has that abiility to escalate. ... it is a crossing and a combining of energies from several shadows or old emotions that all explode... And once they do, there is a total energy shift...for me usually to remorse, especially if I have broken something dear or done something with a negative outcome to someone else. Then the process of grieving has to take place as I deal with it amidst the situation that may still be all undealt with..finally, if the process is truly brought full circle, there is acceptance with forgiveness for self for the undone moment as there is no other way to go forward accept with acknowlegement. Then the new solutions become evident in presence and consicous awareness in the NOW. There seems to be more energy than you need to move on...

I am trusting that nine months will be a good starting place for me to work through my own shadows, the qualities that are part of my make-up and being that are hindering my success to find my way to releasing the reall joy and positive energy that I am longing to have surround me all the time. I can't wait to get past this melancholic space to a place of real fun... All this 'introspection' is getting a bit ...introspective.

I know that to many who have known me all so many years...it seems I go on about my inadequacies, when all you have seen are my 'adequacies' for the most part...I don't go around acting like I feel or allowing my 'shadow' self to be recognizable. And I do know that I am pretty good at many things. That comes with the positive use of my qualities. I am aware of my blessings and gifts that I have always offered and truly, I love me...I love me enough to want the most for my life and interestingly, this sense of a calling has been a part of my vision since a small girl...so I am moving forward toward that destiny.

The Challenges at sea are limited in some ways, to dealing with the details of such a hardship and long term venture, not interpersonal or relationship issues which I will need to take up actively when I return...but my hope is that having gained a centering in presence I will be able to avail myself of the wisdom and positive energy of life to make my way in society.

Bob has been such an incredible encouragement to me... I am so blessed by his emails.. I couldn't resist posting a photo of us playing music together that is a favorite.

Keepin On Sailin On a Dream... From Feb 21, 2007 heading north in the S. Atlantic Ocean...I love the positive outlook I have here...I could use to read my old logs... I am going to begin to clear all this forboding energy... and show the Happy me that I am.

"Never Never Never Give UP Caring....relinquishing all duty to any standard or norm, being careful to listen to what caring is bringing to your intuition. Let something so intrinsic to your own being come to surface and embrace it. Sit with this new concern, sensitivity, idea or quality. Amidst caring, this aspect of you can be freely recieved, understood, enjoyed, developed!!!

Fairest of Winds and the Love of the Ocean Only Gratitude Donna

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