SailBlog

Overall, the frontal system just went through with much lighter conditions than forecasted and essentiallly little gusting...the seastates never rose...I am thrilled..When it comes to gales, less is more for sure. !

I was waiting with baited breath for the winds to clock...amazing how I could still hang with anticipation, especially when the conditions were not pressing me for a change for relief. The shift finally came late in the morning. And somehow, I managed to do a 'Donna Move'... I call them, having to live with my sometimes quite moronic oversights...

I had kept the whisker pole attached to the mast and laying on the bow pulpit for this whole leadup to the frontal pass. the NW winds were much more NNW so I was not using the pole, but I anticipated that it would go to NW at which time I would want the pole. The way I had it set, all I had to do was hook the jib sheet into the distal end of the pole and I was ready to set it.... I had it like that for 2 days because the winds never backed...I had NNW winds until the major shift this morning...But even that shift would take place gradually, and the pole may still come in handy...

Well the moment came when, just as I was going to make my midmorning snack of PB2 and jam on crackers. I looked at the compass, and it was reading 30*M, which is really closer to 05*T ...so realizing the front had gone through, somehow without really checking where the wind was at, I bolted for the bow to set the jib for SW winds...

Now, that was where the wind was going ... but it was not likely that the shift would come all at once... After keeping the pole on the bow the whole storm, I pulled it down, and lost my balance in the midst, I was frustrated to have to swap the whole thing out. Back and forth to the cockpit, I got the pole set for the other side, then jibed the main...and set the jib...

As I did, it was obvious right away that the wind had not backed all the way to SW at all... the wind was still to the WNW... If I left it this way, I would have to sail a SE course, until the winds did shift... Aggressive now, as I am angry with my self for having been a "moron'... just no common sense...a Donna Move... that would mean swapping the whole rig again...note that I am still not making sense... The winds would clock...I could have waited a little while to see what was going to happen..but I was so mad at myself for having not checked where the wind was before the first swap, that nearly as penance, I forced my self to undo it...

And no sooner were the sails flying, that the winds did back farther... I am not kidding... I needed to swap it out again... But by the time I had gotten the pole down, the winds had actually backed all the way to a SSW point and I was able to fly the jib without the pole and make the course I wanted of 75*T...

I am soaked as it has been raining the whole time...I didn't manage to catch any water in all the 'swapping' about... But, my energy was calmer as I was tired at least from some exertion. I finally got all the lines cleaned up, the pole secure on deck... and got my PB2 and jam and crackers...

The whole event took hours... the whole time I am moving from total frustration that I just can't seem to think things through these days...Truthfully, this is even more moronic than my normal level of Donna Moves, though I have had some doozy outcomes, having my passport stolen three time in the USVI!!! Just because I couldn't seem to stop putting it down and leaving it places...in the petty thievery capital of the world! It is hard to be me at these moments..I guess we all do things like this, but I am becoming sensitized to it with all the 'nothing else to do' going on in my little coccoon.

I cleared my angery responses as they are useless in helping me shift my energy out of the doldrums of the grey day. I actually wrote an email to Jeanne Socrates last night...she is the oldest woman to solo the world nonstop...a lovely canadien woman with an incredible story. We have had some nice gestures of interaction overthe years...as I finished my circ a bit before she was heading out again, but she had already had two attempts to circumnavigate that she was not able to complete, one ending in the actual loss of her boat very near to completing the circuit... i was anxious to touch base with a woman who had done already what I am doing rounding these two south Capes...

Despite my attempts and I will continue to clear things as they come up... I am very anxious about rounding the Capes of the Islands ... The anticipation is tearing at my energy. As it was mounting last night, I was realizing that my last time around, I had many gales in this area of the world, big gales, and I was nearing the end of my trip trying to get to North New Zealand across the TAsman Sea.

At that time, a point of dire exhaustion, and a horrible heartburn that felt like i was having a heart atack...I reached out to Pat Henry, a southern Cross 31 owner, who had circumnavigated the world over 8 years, finishing a few years before my trip would start. She was amazing...amidst a charter with other women learning to sail...they all prayed for me at that moment and I truly know that the sea conditions did change at that moment allowing me to go below and sleep for 6 hours!!! it was a remarkable blessing.

As I am heading to round these Capes in a few weeks, Jeanne has done it before and I just want to hear how she made out and anything she can say about it...It is unfortunate that I didnt spend some time with her before I left to gain some insights...espeically on how to manage the long time in the motion of the sea and conditions as slightly 'older' women. Unfortunately, my email did not go through to Jeanne... Bob is going to research and see if there is a different email than the one I have.

So..today has been another day of school in the college of hard knocks and the Blessed Clearing Path. I will continue to clear any residual anticipation that is dogging my emotions. Truly, PTSD is a powerful energy that doesn't ask permission to transmit a tremendous anxiety and undertone of dread that seems to sit just beneath the surface of being conscious enough to pinpoint...but once I did recognize the past gales as the memories that were the culprit...I was able to restore a sense of presence... and the amazing great sailing at the moment.

The truth is that I just got through the last three days with out a single gale force wind, mild seastate and there is nothing directly in my path for the next week of more than 15-20kts of breeze... !!! So I am elated!!! I just need to get my emotions tweeked around to allow me to feel relaxed in my boredom and grey day melancholy.

Oh, I did get to hear Bob's voice today as I was getting up and he was heading for bed. He had a good day at work and was smiling... I could hear it in his voice...he is finding a rhythm to his work and will be able to go get Calypso next weekend...Hallelujah... I was able to moan and grumble and he graciously encouraged me... There are so many little things that are on the tip of my 'anxious about' emotional levels...

Both my phone and my tracker are having trouble charging..the ports are potentially not faring well with the environment...i have swapped out cords... It is probable that the quality of my phone, which is not high because it is a pay as you go phone...and my computer which I had to buy at the last minute when my last one literally stopped working a week before I left...so it is a cheap little notebook... may not make it all the way home. I can already see rust on the ports that I try to oil and clean..but it is a wet boat...we are just so 'in the ocean' and everyting is within 6 feet of the companionway.

Bob graciously offered that he would not panic if these things give out...I am safe...can Celestial navigate, get weather by radio...I have all the 'real seaman ways' to get home without the electronic gadgets so...there is no need to pull the plug if I can't be tracked... of course I have the Aurora as well. I have built in a tremendous redundancy... . I have already learned and been successful with celestial navigation during the first two months and have all I need to get home on board.

For me, it wasn't about any real concern for my gear...It was good to hear his confidence in me..that is what rung sweet in my ears. And we agree on these things...

On my earlier trips across the N. Atlantic circle, I had an SSB rebuilt for the trip but it still did not transmit ... so I had no communication. But I would hail any ships or fishing boats I saw and ask them to relay a message to my mother which they always did... my mother would get a call in the night, she would say...from a fellow with a foreign accent and it would be a captain who had seen my Donna at sea, letting me know she was alright. It just happened to be nicely spaced out and she said to me that she would just start to wonder how I was making out and then that phone call would come.

So there are alway ships passing to send 'messages' besides I have the SSB..I have the frequencies for the NZ , Chilean, and Falkland Island nets...and once back in the S Atlantic, I can resume radio contact with the Caribbean and US east coast nets and stations.

So over the course of the day today... I have had all my worries resolved, a good clearing of the non-existant concerns over my passage making at this point and I am heading to 38*S to avoid upcoming strife... so all is great on board. Now just a bit of sunshine...would ease the melancholy... I guess instead I will listen to some music or maybe even get out my tin whistle and practice some tunes. I am knitting away ..nearly finished with the third scarf. I have 6 lttie granddaughters...then I will get some hats going for the boys.

I have also begun to read 'Divine Beauty' by John O'Donohue...I have been saving this book until I was a bit more worn out as it is an amazing restorative read...He allows beauty to fill presence in every way possible and really shed a lovely light on the way the colors of grey when we stop seeing the beauty in life, can blind our capacity for joy and conscsious energy. So... I have a balm to read and reread as I get across the rest of this Southern Ocean...Especally the next 4 weeks or less.

What good is faith if it can't sustain me through the lead up to these Capes? Of course I will manage whatever I must and it will be minimized as best it can be... this I know... I truly do have an incredible peace when I center myself and ask my being the direct question... am I going to be safely arriving home on time? YES!!!! is the overwhelming energy I get..just as I did when I set out...so ... so Onward Ho!!

Keepin On Sailin On a Dream....In my clearing path today, I was able for a moment, to stop seeing myself through the limited experience here in this little coccoon today, to appreciate all the qualities I am blessed with that are strengths I will embellish as I begin to understand and become aware of my weakness in a way that they can become a way for something new and beautiful to unfold.

John O'Donohue " To behold beauty dignifies your life; it heals you nd calls you out beyond the smallnes of your own self-limitation to experience new horizons..To experience beauty is to have your life enlarged... there is a light in beauty which no frontier can limit or contain; it has a distinctive dignity. Like consciouseness, beauty shines with a light from beyond itself...beauty is the brilliance of an object's form shining forth in its sensible presence..." Stay tuned for more wonderful experpts...

Fairest of Winds and the Love of the Ocean Only Gratitude Donna

�"Sent from my RedPort Aurora Satellite Terminal http://www.globalmarinenet.com/product/redport-aurora/ www.globalmarinenet.com www.ushuaialogistics.com www.xaxero.com www.transmarinepro.co.nz http://www.mwxc.com Chris Parker weather services www.jamestowndistributors.com www.bellplantation.om (PB2) www.caphorn.com www.marinemotion.com http://sayitright.com www.yoloadventure.com www.islandplanetsails.com www.baconsails.com