SailBlog

On the First Day of Christmas... my true love gave to me, my Anam Cara, my steering vane so true...

My Christmas story as it developed today ...

The winds remained constant through the night and I found myself able to truly sleep between alarms. At 0700 for me, it is time for the radio Net on the east coast...the propagation has somehow has disappeared. Whatever atmospheric anamoly that allowed me to have radio chats a week or so ago is no longer there. I got a cup of tea boiling and set my computer to download emails... while I am sleeping, the EST world is busy at work and play. I had an email from Bob. It was filled with all of the details of his work but then it changed and he was sharing about the dream he had.

Having spent so much time lately, studying in different ideals that include thoughts about dreams...I returned the email, sharing my thoughts on what it meant...which lead me to talk about our upbringing, the developmental tasks, and the roles of parents...but moreso, it was about seeing ourselves as our child, and the environment in parenting that allows us to move through development secure, loved, with a sense of belonging...an unconitional loving space where we can grow, make choices, see them through and then learn, without criticism or guilt or shame.

So... I go along my morning... and a bit later, I finish returning emails regarding weather forecasts and what is ahead... I upload the emaills and I get another email from Bob..

He has read my blogs from the last days...

He sends an incredible sincere encouraging letter to me. We discuss at times, my 'wearing my heart on my sleeve' approach where I disclose much of my process of learning in the blogs... some of it is drama.. and what should or shouldn't be in the blog..but I still tend to be myself... be real, and I tell it like it is ...

This is an exerpt of what he wrote, after he appreciated my writing style and the stories of the birds, for recognizing my blog followers as my friends (you are). He passed on some of the comments people wrote in my blog to me, (Thank you... )

"Whether you know it or not, you are adding to their lives and helping them through your �"heart on your sleeve�" blogs. Very powerful. Something to think about. The help, the confidence, the camaraderie you are instilling in these people by indirect means is so much more and so much more natural than trying to teach someone directly. Interesting. Very interesting.

Keep up the good writing, Miss Donna. I am amazed at your ability and how far you have come. It is a learned skill for those to whom it doesn�'t come naturally (me). That is encouraging. Well done, my Sweets. I am smiling at you tonight."

I was so encouraged...I did what I do...I let tears fall down my face freely. It is so encouraging to me that he feels this way...I so want my book and blog to be able to share my healing as I have suffered long and hard at the wiles of my disfunction... and so wish to ease the way for anyone who would benefit from my learning process.

At this point, I became humbled and the reverence for friends, and love, compassion; it all welmed over me... I came into presence as I sat on my bed... energy flowed through me and I felt a deeper release. Then, I started to do some logging, got my second cup of tea. Today would be my "first day of Christmas" blog...and I didn't do a blog yesterday. I started to think about doing it.

Suddenly it occured to me that maybe I would start to play some Christmas songs on my guitar...over the years I have a whole performance long list of holiday songs and Christmas carols, that I know. ..As I started to hum a familiar song, I couldn't remember the words, so I started rummaging around to see if I brought the music. Interestingly, the only song I had was the one I was thnking about.."Mary Did You Know"... a powerful favorite I like to sing.

Then It occured to me that I did have one Christmas album on board, and it was the album with that song by Kathy Matea. I located the disc. Given I had a great night of running the wind generator, I figured I could afford a little time with a CD playing and popped it in.

The very first song broke me... It was not a carol...it was original type song. ... About the coming of 'Son of Man' the tiny baby that cried, a child in the manger... It was like a flood of realization came at once...All of my searching and seeking, had brought me back to 'my child', my true self, before the world infuenced me... and now it was vibrantly before me that God, of course, comes as a child to show us the way to live in our true identity... And yes, there is salvation, with no dogma attached, the simplicity of perfect love as would come through the life of a child nurtured in Divine God Consciousness, Perfect Oneness.

I was filled with such an emotional release. Now it all made sense ... and that it would come to me at Christmas alone with God amidst the incredible Sea...I was so full of despair there was no way for me to find true PEACE on earth except in the stillness of the vast fullness of God's presence out here. I sat to pen a response to Bob's letter: Bob, I just can't stop sobbing after reading your email which sparked an incredible experience...today I am having a deeper letting go and moreso a returning. Bob, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouragement regarding this process I am going through. It has been so hard a life to live, and my hope is that it can bring encouragement to others....and us .

.. I love you, more and more.

Today is my First Day of Christmas, Bob. It is not just 'a' Christmas... It may be my first Real Christmas as I feel like in my being I am finally home with God...as I now know... the reverence for who we are in God now becoming a new light for me.

I managed to find the only Christmas CD I have on board...it is by Kathy Matea..the one with 'Mary Did You Know' on it. It is such a brilliant fresh album...all original songs mostly, or rare songs. All about Jesus, the child. My child is responding...

Bob, I am going home today...in my heart...Home to God, returning to the life I was intended to know...one filled with love and virtue. The life I was meant to live. I am hearing these songs and becoming encouraged... I will be new every day, but today I am seeing myself in God's eyes...

The little curly haired girl that longed to be cuddled into her fathers lap and nurtured to feel so secure, not afraid. To be told she was a beautiful child and kissed each night with true loving compassion and understanding, held tight against the fears of a child..

Though our parents were doing the best they could and loved us, they could not do that., or maybe I was such a sensitive child, it could not be enough. It seemed it was not part of that 'age' of parenting... children were suppose to do what they were told...and that was it. What a blessing my mother is to me today as she long ago came to be the most amazing nurturer of all that I could ever want to become; my father and I sharing such love before he passed away.

My children have returned to me the love and nurture I was able to give them somehow. Cooper was so funny the other day. He was loving who he knows me to be as his momma; his love is so unconditional, .. he truly adores me... what a blessing my children are.

In these songs, I hear the truth of the gift of living in eternity. I am no longer the prodigal child searching for an egoic answer far and wide, rejecting God.. instead finding what has always been within myself, God consciosness waiting to be one with me. As I meditate, pray in presence, and unite my own energy with God's energy, I am 'whole' ..I know it is so cliche... but I have found it is true, Honey...

It is Christmas...the eve of Jesus's birth as a child; as we are born as children; an exemplary life coming to us; a way to being who we really are, not who we became in the system of the world.

Somehow, this enlightenment is one I needed to come to out here, alone with God. I was just too easily distracted on land... The next months will be time to huddle in my coccoon ... trusting my wings will develop so I can fly.

Merry Christmas... my love. So...corny... but the kind of experience real stories are made of...And we live happily ever after.

I love you.... Your little Miss Donna Marie

Merry Christmas to all, a time I am celebrating finding my way to my true Identity in communion with God Consciousness to; bring reverence for life, reveal beauty, bring healing, draw us near in love, harmony, resonance... not just happiness but perfect communion with our true self... and " It is a wonderful life" ... (you get that if you are 'old')

Merry First Day of Christmas

Keepin On Sailin On a Dream... I am home for the holidays in my being...and I trust that I will somehow enrich the season for my little ones, my children, family... Bob... from afar, missing their touch and laughter but knowing that we have a lifetime of new Christmas blessing ahead.

The three wise men found... "Nothing but a child, to wash those tears away and guide a weary world into the light of day, Nothing but a child, to erase those lines so once again we all can be children for a while" refrain sung by Kathy Matea.

Fairest of Winds and the Love of the Ocean Only Gratitude Donna

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