SailBlog

Finally, I feel that Inspired Sanity is ready for inspection by the authorities for the Panama Canal Crossing. The Canal agent Bob hired to help us navigate the complexity of the rules was surprised when the first inspector came and was so insistent on 'seeing' everything right...the agent is usually able to be trusted to have things ready, but that was not going to work with this inspector. Since that day, I have heard endless stories of contradiction between all the expectations of the inspectors, so I just happened to get someone who was particular. But also, it is the small boats like mine that cause more concern as I am more likely to encounter a problem that might slow down the crossing process for all. So, we dare not have any jot or tittle out of place. It was not easy for the agent to find an engine, bracket and such that would work for me; I needed a porta potty, a bucket wouldn't do... and so it has been a process, making small headway day by day toward having it a ll right. Finally,...it is right and we passed Inspection. I will know later tonight when I will be crossing.

Yet, it is right today because of the efforts of the cruising community that has been so graciouos beyond any expectation, to respond day after day to my requests for one more thing, a lift to the dock, help getting the engine in place...I have done all I can do on my own but there are some things that just require more than one person. And all have been so wonderful; the entire anchorage, plus those in the adjacent anchorage have offered their hands and advise, lifts and laughs at social gatherings throughout my stay here; it is almost a week now.

I have been able to replace my computer so I am now getting back online to be able to resume doing the blogs and manage some of the details that Bob...my Bob... has so eloquently been doing for me...I was humbled when I first began to read the blogs he has been posting. Somehow he has truly been able to keep you all not only informed but inspired as well as supported me with all his resources; and you have all responded so incredibly to offer such amazing support to help me get through this stage of my journey. It has taken time to process all that has transpired these last 7 weeks...finally realizing that my steering vane had not been working to the extent that I was not able to sail big seas and high winds effectively...knock down after knock down, I was unnerved as Inspired Sanity and I were out of sync it seemed...we just were not sailing well, not only in storms but more and more, in all conditions. Once the winds settled down as I made my way north of the roaring 40s into the 30s and 20s heading north to Panama..I was finally able to figure out what the problem was with the vane...the servo rudder had been binding once the tensioning lines were in place and not able to swing sideways enough to offer any significant power to steer the boat back on course. It is hard to explain how I kept testing it to work, and it appeared to work, but it was the extent to which it was able to provide power to the steering quadrant was diminished, progressively getting worse with time. None the less, my sail around the world has met my personal goals in such a unique way I would not have chosen...of course I wanted to be triumphant over the gales and do the Horn and be on my way home as planned, able to toute myself as a veteran master sailor, celestial navigating and all that I had planned, but instead the journey has taken me very deep within myself to find my true identity, not one pumped up with the ego and accomplishment, but one that is based in the essential truth of our human value; I had to find my way in the quietness of the calms, the seeming endless days of handsteering, tides and currents thwarting my way...Inspired Sanity sailing brilliantly at max speeds only to be dogged by these forces seeing 1-2kts on the tracker...I averaged 1kt toward my destination in Panama for that last 500 miles with tacking to headwinds and a 15-20' tide rushing out the gulf of Panama; somehow this adversary unknown to me until I was nearly to Panama.

Yet it was in the nights and quietness, that I found the gifts I had longed to find for so many years...the ability to be quiet inwardly, totally at peace...well until I wasn't...it seemed despite my progress in meditation, at some point in each day I would still be overwelmed by the continual forces I had to overcome. Even in the calms I could not rest...maybe even more in the calms, because as soon as I would take down the sails, the currents and tides would grab the keel of Inspired Sanity and we would be careening SW, backwards faster than I could make progress forward. One night, I was so exhausted, I fell asleep for 4 hours...I woke to having lost 10nm to the SW...10..!! that day I made no progress forward. I barely made back what I had lost sleeping just a few hours. In the calms I had to maintain a point on my course to north so that the forces would sail me forward if that was possible...just at 1 kt forward, I was making the maximum progress I was going to make anyw ay. I found that I actually made more progress in the very light winds as they tended to blow from all the corners of the compass whereas the stronger winds were always on the nose from the N or NE, later from the NW (of course when my Rumline was a NW bearing).

Yet, it was in the calms that I would see the pods of pilot whales in the distance, dolphins visited all through the days and nights. I had one opportunity to climb in the water and it was an amazing experience as the dolphins all 'checked me out' swimming around me, above and below. It was magic, the tranquility of it, the silence being underwater, and the presence of their energy seeming to impress mine with, not thoughts, but a spirit of curiosity and then even playfulness. At one point, I did a somersault in the water and they actually responded by doing a bit of a swirling swim after me.

And it was in these calms that a deeper silence within me began to resonate with a new energy I have never felt before. The meditation hours in the morning and afternoon were the pinnacle hours of every day, even on days when I was distracted, I longed for that time to be quiet and connected spiritually to all of you...it was so powerful to sense your concentration, your hope in love and beauty to be the way of life for this human experience with me.

Being in Panama and having to accomodate the expectations for the canal crossing has been overwelming as well as being confronted with wanting to fix gear that is not working, some of which is necessary for the transit. Even the agent did not know about engines and the details of what it would take to outfit Inspired Sanity to meet the criteria...day after day he would arrive at the end of the day with some of what I needed, but it all had to be jury rigged to actually work or there were parts missing. Having no insurance, I was not allowed into the marina which prevented the one solution to so many issues like having no dinghy and needing to get the engine set up off the stern. I had to bend over the stern to cut the piece of wood to attach the engine mount which had a different bolt pattern than the bracket I have. I finally gave into putting a diesel back in IS just before deciding to sail the world because it was hopeless to manuever the boat with the outboard off the ba ck. but we are going to do the canal that way...it is the only option now.

The list of broken gear is as long as the list of gear on the boat at all... everything has issues. Repairing the steering vane is a primary concern and it is not easy to get parts into the country. But I cannot sail the North Atlantic coast without the vane. I have had enough of the consequences of trying to manage storms without it working properly. The batteries are not holding a load, the solar controller, the wind generator output questionable, the SSB with all kinds of issues, my computer and phone broken...I should replace some rigging fittings I did not have on board...and the list goes on. Yet, I had made it around the Horn, I would have managed without some of these things and still gotten home...not the vane though. It is so dirty here...actually I guess it is more dusty with all the construction going on. I am just not prepared to be that 'social' with my bohemian lifestyle of existing offshore. It is alright to live that way on my own so long offshore. But once back in proximity to land, it feels horrible to be so vagrant. There just are not facilities of any kind on this side of the canal. I finally did have a shower yesterday and it was wonderful. A moment of normalcy.

Yet, as is so perfect...the human aspect of being here has been breathtaking as I have met such like minded, generous, incredibly capable and willing sailors, all kindly helping me find my way and once I am on the 'other side', I will have the blessing of being able to be in a marina so I can disemble the steering vane and hopefully quickly get underway to finish my circumnavigation. It will not break any records for soloing nonstop or otherwise, but it will not take away in any way from all the incredible discoveries, the change that has occured...I will emerge from my coccoon and can only express such gratitude for the privilege of having been able to take this journey.

I share the deepest sense of gratitude that there is toward all of you for sharing in my passage these last 8 months,what will be more than 9 months by the time I reach the shores of Bristol Rhode Island once more. It has created for me, a transcendence that I could not have even touched any other way ... I am determined to have my book completed as soon as possible, but it has to be only the most well written book, the editing will be the mastering of the art of writing I am so hoping to gain... it must be right.

GRATITUDE!!! it is the whole of my heart towards the universe for all that has come to me in these days offshore and here in Panama. There is a yearning for me to try to name all of you who have given so much, been there day by day with weather, helps, encouragement, and financial support...but there is something about listing off all your names that is just does not feel right...the list would be pages and pages. So I am going to ask you all to allow me to embrace all of you in spirit with such love and with gracious longing to see you all soon so that I can thank you in person. To each one of you; to the incredibly amazing outcomes of this journey; I am already in spiritual eternity in presence...my eternal gratitude to you.

Keepin On Sailin On Caring... Today is the beginning of a creation new each day that has all possibility, yet all challenges, with the equally all potential for incredible outcomes...Willing to allow life to operate ; open to recieve the unexpected; free to choose our response in life no longer driven by our past and ego. Inspired Sanity!

Fairest of winds and the love of the oceans Only Gratitude, Donna