One of the greatest movie scenes of all time (at least one of the funniest) was the scene in the movie version of “Little Shop of Horrors” where Steve Martin as the sadistic dentist “treats” the masochistic Bill Murray. Bill Murray’s character arrives at the dental office and announces “I need a root canal. I know I need a long, slow root canal.” What follows is comedy genius from two masters of the art.

Why do I mention this? - not just because I recently re-watched the movie.

I have begun to actually enjoy varnishing the exterior teak bright work on Kelly Rae. This is, for those less nautically inclined, the cruiser’s equivalent of “I know I need a long, slow root canal!” but with the added benefit that with varnishing you get to do it over and over and over and over again.

In fact, Lyn Pardey in one of their books (not sure which one) states that there is no such thing as a “final coat of varnish”. She was definitely correct in saying this. She meant it to be a positive statement. In effect she was saying that any varnish problems that occur will just get fixed with the next coat and, therefore, you shouldn’t get upset when they do – often easier said than done. But, She was right. There will always be a next coat! I would go a step beyond Lyn’s statement and say that the term “Final Coat” of varnish is a classic oxymoron, right up there with Jumbo Shrimp and Government Intelligence.

She was sugar coating what can become an evil obsession.

Like Golf!

How many people have spent 17 holes saying quietly (or not so quietly) to themselves that “I will never play this ^&%$^%$ game again” only to be suckered into revising that resolution while playing out the 18th hole – solely on the basis of that one good drive, approach shot or putt of the entire round, the one shot which can only occur on the 18th hole! Golf can be evil – just like varnishing.

Tennis can be like that too but I like tennis so won’t call it evil.

Getting back to varnishing – Here is a much shortened list of varnishing problems that I have had over the last 10 years – thankfully I have forgotten most of them.

- The time when the entire container of Cetol blew off the cabin top and spilled all over the non-skid on the side deck. Why is it that products that don’t seem to ever want to properly adhere to the teak they were presumably designed to coat stick so amazingly well to that from which we want to remove them?
- Or, the time that a complete strip and re-finish of the toe rail was badly damaged on the first sunny but humid day when the recently applied 6 coats bubbled in a number of locations.
- And then there was the time… Oh, that’s enough of the ancient history.
- The final evidence – Two days before KR was to be re-launched in Green Cove Springs just over a month ago, I was hurrying to apply the “final coat” so that I could get on to completing other pre-launch projects. I had, over the previous few days, prepped for and applied two very successful coats to the toe rail and eyebrow. I had only to do one more. I got the prep done that morning on a day with little wind and a light overcast – perfect varnishing conditions. I was very optimistic. Before starting to apply the “final coat”, I checked the weather report once again, looked at the radar image on NOAA’s site and even asked the yard workers for their opinion of the look of the eastern sky. Assured, I varnished, got a really good coat on and finished just 10 minutes before the rain started. It was a lovely, light shower which only lasted 10-15minutes and left drop size water spots on everything that I had just coated. Forgive me, Father, I might have taken the Lord’s name in vain.

But after all the problems, there is that one coat or one section that REALLY looks great when it dries– and, like golf, you are sucked in for another, “final” coat.

Evil – simply evil.

This is a war that cannot be won. There are, however, transitory victories to be had. KR’s exterior teak does look really good at the moment – not perfect, of course. That is both impossible and not truly desirable. I joked in a long-ago blog posting in which I was complaining about varnishing Katerik’s lovely Shaw and Tenney oars, that if I ever did get them “perfectly” varnished, I would never be able to use them again. The same can be said of KR. If I ever were to achieve perfection, I would have to either sell her or, at a minimum, stop taking her anywhere. She could be a dock queen instead of a cruising boat.

As that end is not of interest to me, I will continue to both suffer imperfections and be thankful for them. And, being the obsessive-compulsive optimist, I will continue to varnish – each time trying to be just a little better at it.

I just wish that I wasn’t starting to enjoy it so much.

The 8th cruise has begun well. I am settling back into cruising mode pretty successfully now. There have been great connections with old friends and new – both land and boat based. The first Pizza Night happened in Royal Harbor a week ago, the first pot of “Boat Soup” prepared and shared with new Dutch friends Edwin and Margo here in Alabaster Bay Sunday night. The kayak has been paddled in several lovely areas and this afternoon I’ll rig Katerik and sail her about this beautiful, well-protected bay. Tomorrow I’ll move KR down to the Governor’s Harbor – ‘the big city’ – where I will likely stay through Christmas.

And, I’ll be working on KR’s bright work.

Best wishes for a very Happy Holiday Season to all.