An Evening With George Formby

If you're in Tahiti in July a must do is the annual Heiva festival. This three week long event is a song and dance competition between the islands that make up French Polynesia. The event was conceived to keep alive the islands' traditions of story telling through song and dance. Each island sends one or more teams of their best dancers and singers along with their own accompanying band. A bit like Celtic Connections but in grass skirts.

The singing, I could take or leave, preferably somewhere way out of earshot, but the dancing was absolutely spectacular. Men and women dressed to kill in their grass skirts, grass tops and banana leaf hats. In addition, as if they'd dabbed glue on various parts of their bodies and then run through a flower shop, they were covered with fresh flowers. By the end of the performance the whole arena was smelling of flowers and probably a slight tang of perspiration. A bit like the Edinburgh Tattoo but without the rain and motorcycles.

The individual female dancers were just awesome. Presumably because it was so hot they weren't wearing much and I guess it also freed them to gyrate, twitch and sensually curve to the drum beat. Not that I really noticed. The guys, unable to gyrate did a kind of wobbly knee thing while sticking out their tongues and waving their spears and axes around. Not quite as good as the girls but Anne seemed to like it.

Each team was a cast of between 50 and 80 made up of "warriors" and their women folk. The band was about eight drummers, two on guitar and two others doing fair George Formby impressions on the ukeleles.

We certainly found out what the men wear under their grass skirts. Not a pleasant sight.