24 February 2020
For our few YouTube followers on SV Time Bandit, here's the latest from Indonesia. Months late but catching up.
22 February 2020
Spending as much time as I do on the Time Bandit blog, conceiving, drafting and crafting my works of creative genius, I sometimes think I should jump on New Meedya bandwagon and set myself up as what I understand the yoof call, "Brand Ambassadors" or, " Influencers”.
It seems there's folk out there on the Interweb touting everything from cosmetics to booze. Fashion to holidays. Even cruising. Who'd have thought! In the yachting world, there's the good ship SV Delos and the "Internet sensations", in their Outremer La Vagabond. (As long as they don't turn it upside down resale values should hold). These high profile guys even have "Patreons"...... people who actually send them money! (There really must be NUTHIN' on the tele).
I've tinkered with it, I think we've got the content, or at least the potential. We even have our own YouTube channel, SV Time Bandit, albeit about six months behind right now (blame Outlander). The biggest problem is, we're not quite the right demographic. Or shape.
I've also absolutely no idea how many people read this rubbish however, as I've got your attention right now, let me A) get something off my chest and B) try some "influencing".
In a month or four we will turn west heading for South Africa and whatever islandy bits there are en route. It would therefore be handy to have some mappy bits. Now, since the launch of the original Beige Bandit, when we inherited Navionics charts, that's what we've used and been very happy with. I mean, compared to setting up a system like TomTom for worldwide roads, how difficult can it be to map an ocean with a few islandy bits and a couple of continents? For Navionics, not that difficult. For MaxSea Time Zero, apparently somewhat taxing.
From Tasmania to here, in clear ocean MaxSea has been fine. But then, so would a Readers Digest Concise World Map and an old Boy Scout compass have been. It's near the rocky, pointy bits that it counts and with MaxSea, all I could be sure of was that it was time to switch on Navionics.
Nonetheless, as we've paid for a world charts package, I thought I'd download them for the next years faffing around. I spent nearly five hours and a lot of cash on drinks and data over the last two days trying fruitlessly to download navigation charts from Maxsea Time Zero......take my word, in my capacity as self appointed "influencer"......be influenced. Only my opinion, but.....,,
I spent the last ten years or so of my working life designing web sites (among other things) so I know a bit about the subject. In my opinion Time Zero is about the most useless, most complex, least intuitive piece of web architecture I've ever had the misfortune to work on. And if or when you finally get a chart, you find yourself sailing across islands and anchored half way up a hill anyway. Buy Navionics. Trust me!
I'm sailing south to Penang from Langkawi on Saturday to spend most of next week with my legs in the air at Smile Dental Clinic. One root canal, one crown and one cap.
I'm expecting this to be less painful than Time Zero.
OK. You can go now.
Corona Virus Fear
19 February 2020
Anne’s been summoned back to Canada for a bit of grandmothering. So, for the last few days she’s been looking out her white lace gloves, lace bonnet, shawl and a brand new broomstick. On Monday she flew from Langkawi to do whatever grannies do - that and put another freediver’s fin sized carbon footprint on the ozone layer.
She only just made it. China’s not flying so flights have been cancelled willy nilly. “Dear Customer.....owing to xyz (none actually say “the virus” or “absolutely no one in China is flying, so our business model is stuffed”). It’s all apparently other quite innocuous reasons. Whatever, the basic message was, “best of luck with your booking - we’re past caring”.
Finally, after much angst and customer service from the school of “I couldn’t give a monkeys”, re-routed several times including an expensive night in Hong Kong, just yards away from virus ridden China, she made it to freezing Toronto. She’d have been quicker on her broomstick.
Meanwhile, I’ve been building my list of boat upkeep jobs and very soon, perhaps after sundowners, or maybe later after a few episodes of Outlander, I’ll make a start and re-prioritise the priority list after which, I’ll probably need a wee rest.
I’m relatively safe here from the virus. Staying on board saves me from contact with people. By far the majority of Asians are wearing surgical masks. The masks that every informed body says are pretty much useless. And the best bit is watching guys pull down their masks, have a drag on a cigarette then tuck it back into place. What they don’t seem to have thought of though is my biggest fear.
After wearing these surgical masks, all day, every day, will folk end up with sticky out ears?
12 February 2020
Our cruising buddies Dave and Linda, from way back in the Azores, in the year of the Horse, 2012, joined us for a luxury mini-cruise around western Thailand in this year of the Rat. More like year of the tourist. In comparison to Indonesia, Thailand is simply mobbed or as we'd say in Scotland, hoaching. As I said before - Indonesia, be careful what you wish for. ( https://www.sailblogs.com/member/timebandit/468812 )
Dozens of Tour Information Centres, thinly disguised as official Tourist Information Centres lure hundreds of punters into their grasp to flog them half or all day tours of the outlying islands. Fleets of powerboats and long tails load up to beat their customers' bums to a pulp as they thrash to windward in twenty five knots. The Long Tails cut a smoother path, moving more leisurely, if you can call sitting in front of a throbbing six cylinder 1970's truck engine spewing diesel fumes and oil for hours on end, leisurely.
Together, the tourist boats create a perpetual wash from ten 'till four every day in the island anchorages. It's hard to complain though when you're really part of the problem.
The key, we've discovered, is to sleep 'till ten, then, when the boats start thrashing in, head out for a wee sail to the next island, arriving as the tour boats leave, around four then relax and enjoy the quiet, the quite stunning limestone scenery and reflect on how nice it is you've got your own wee boat.
Ashore, Thailand abounds with tourist resources. Bars, restaurants, tattoo and massage parlours. There's hostels and Homestays for the budget conscious traveller i.e. the under thirties who really should be at home working, paying taxes to support the health care systems I'll be needing shortly. Three star hotels for the up and coming; or those with children heading to, or at university and luxury five star spa resorts for the wealthy. Or those without children.
Put it all together and you get a thriving tourist industry. Peace and quiet during the day, not so much. But it's been rather pleasant.
Meanwhile, we're off for another ten dollar massage, a two course meal for two, with drinks for 7/6d.
03 February 2020
“How long should we allow to properly see Thailand?” I asked a fellow cruiser. “Oh.......maybe give it a week”.
“Ah ha” I thought, “a fellow cynic”. To double check, a few days later I asked another couple what they thought. “Ooooh. Thailand. We love it. Been here for years.” So does our buddy Tony Tactical but he was conspicuous by his absence ......until last night.
Tony had hot-foot it through Indonesia, skipping the rally festivities and saving his liver for more important sessions. Not that we had one when we finally met up, but it bore all the hall marks. We just missed Bill and our mutual friend, Captain Morgan.
Thailand has been interesting so far and it’s apparent the country has a thriving tourist industry. Thousands of tourists stroll around, the ladies skimpily clad and the men sporting assorted tattoos from head to toe which nicely masks their sun burn and the Farangs, the ex-pats who, saving on sun screen, have opted for a natural, deep tan, ancient lizard look.
We’ve only done the Phuket area so far; the tiger sanctuary, where for an extra ten quid, you can go inside the tiger’s cage. I mean, ten quid extra and they don’t even give you a chair or a whip. the Old Town, which is, well, old, the Big Buddha, who tops the highest hill here standing forty five metres high and, much like the Space Shuttle, built with a final cladding of individual ceramic tiles so, OK for re-entry. We’ve taken off our shoes and toured seemingly countless fantastically decorated temples, a number of quite lovely beaches where the tourists acquire their new pink hue and more curry than you can shake a chilli at.
Most importantly, there’s actually been wind so we’ve been sailing everywhere and to date, have covered nearly twenty miles. That’s working out to a reasonably efficient two miles to the bottle of red.
Goin’ On Holiday?
26 January 2020
As you may have read in the previous instalment, our arrival in Scotland wasn’t a great start. The only thing worse was our departure. And it all came down to the original crash and burn failed car rental.
As a Welcome Home, after we’d collected our bags we headed for the car hire mini terminal. After schlepping our bags through the airport we found the very competitively priced firm I’d chosen was miles away and you had to call for a lift. An hour later the mini van turned into a pot holed junk yard housing a couple of Portacabins and a few cars.
“Hi. The name’s Letton. We’ve a car booked”.
“OK. Got your license?
“Utility bill from the last three months, in credit card holders name - at your normal place of residence?”
“You’re kidding pal”.
And on it went until, exhausted and defeated by bureauocracy that Indonesia would be proud of, we headed out into the rain to find the first of three trains that would take us to within ten miles of our desired destination.
Ten days later we repeated the process but this time with an extra twist. Heavy rain.
“Goin’ oan holiday Hen?” said the wee Glasgow wummin sitting in the bus stop I’d just dragged our wheeliebin sized suitcase past.
It was wheeliebin sized because we were carrying all the extra Christmas pressies we’d bought while having access to that alternative Santa’s grotto, Kip Yacht Chandlers. A pair of oars, a new Fuel-Guard diesel polishing system, fifteen metres of braid, fuel filters and various other items of detritus from the DIY store.
The reason we were schlepping all our crap across the back streets of Glasgow and Paisley was because the wee drop of rain we’d had apparently flooded the railway lines. So, instead of a quick train ride we detoured around central Scotland before being deposited at Paisley Gilmore Street, where, to my complete delight we were directed to the bus replacement service. Down two flights of stairs. No lifts obviously.
By the time I reached street level I wasn’t chuffed and headed up the street towards the bus, passing aforementioned wummin and composing a strongly worded letter to ScotRail in my head.
Meanwhile, trailing twenty yards behind Anne politely replies to the wee wummin, “Yes. We’re off on holiday”.
“That yer man?” she asks, pointing a cigarette stained finger at my retreating back.
“Yes” says Anne.
“Good luck” she says.
Wet, Wet, Wet
10 January 2020
We celebrated our forty first wedding anniversary last summer. A good bunch of our cruising friends joined us in an anchorage somewhere in Indonesia to commiserate, sorry, celebrate, and one of the many topics up for discussion that night, other than the availability of beer, was just how on earth did we manage to stay together for that amount of time, especially living in a confined space all day, every day for years on end - including the ten years we worked together, eighteen all told, living in each other’s pockets 24/7.
Well, dear readers, if you’re interested or indeed in need of some expert advice, one of the keys is delegation; a clear separation of responsibilities. At work, I did all the right brain stuff. Anne did all the left. On the boat, coincidentally, I do starboard and Anne does port. That’s right and left for the non yotties and those yotties that have forgotten. Getting to and from the family, Anne does the packing and I fix the travel.
And these days, that’s quite challenging, unlike packing a bag full of stuff we have to pay extra to cart from one side of the globe to the other and back again but never use. Back in the good old days, if you wanted a holiday or to fly somewhere, you’d tell your travel agent what you wanted and bingo, three days later you’d have your itinerary, tickets and a bill for thousands.
Nowadays, now that the Interweb has made things so much easier, you spend these three days fiddling about on a tiny screen, comparing about a hundred alternative routes from A to B and finally, after you’ve registered with enough personal details to allow any half competent hacker to access your life savings, you might just have made a booking.
In doing so, one should always keep in mind current affairs. Unfortunately, that’s a subject I find rather distracts me from my pursuit of pure enjoyment. Anne can’t do without her daily fix of BBC news. Personally, I can do without knowing what stage of the Brexit fiasco we’re at, how the Green Pound is faring (whatever happened to the Green Pound?) or whether Harry and Meghan can oust the Kardashians from their top TV rankings.
Consequently, in my usual state of blissful ignorance of world affairs I timed our mini break in Hong Kong to clash, if that’s not a poor choice of phrasing, with the present unpleasantness over there and to compound the problem, on Sunday we fly back to the boat via the Middle East. Perhaps not the best choice of routes right now.
Anyway, we had a great time seeing old friends, holidaying with the kids and much as we love the grandchildren, although I couldn’t eat a whole one, we are looking forward to resuming our life in our little microcosm, where things do seem a lot less complicated. And somewhat warmer.
I won’t say the weather has been terrible here in Scotland, in fact, it’s not been that bad, all things considered - the deluge in Indonesia, the winds and raging fires of Australia, minus 15c in Canada for example but when I turned on the radio the other day and they played a song by the Scottish band, Wet Wet Wet, I couldn’t help but smile.
Which hopefully this post has made you.
It’s 2020 and we’ll be heading somewhere. Maybe east, maybe west or just fiddling around out here - right now we just don’t know. So many options. Too few brain cells. Follow the Blog to find out and, if you’re so inclined, subscribe to my rubbish videos on YouTube at SV Time Bandit.
Happy new year and thanks for following.
25 December 2019
"Hey Tonto. Ride to town and get the sheriff" said the Lone Ranger sitting astride his white stallion.
"Go the Hell" said Tonto. "Every time I go to town I get the shit kicked out of me."
And back when I was working class, that's largely what happened to me every time I went to France. I'd a customer there who was a complete prat and who took a sadistic pleasure out of making my visits a complete nightmare. Consequently, I grew to hate going to France. Heading for the Alps each summer holiday I'd drag the kids on a massive detour, driving through Belgium, Luxembourg and Switzerland, all just to avoid spending time in France.
So, imagine my surprise when, driving into the Canadian ski town where we'd booked a place to spend a family Christmas, the first person I meet as we gaze mystified out the car windows, says, "Vous etes perdu?" Surprised and confused, I hesitatingly replied in my best pigeon French, "Whee. Noo shershon le zooper marsh ay". Fancy coming all this way across the world to Canada and the first person you meet is French!
Then it dawned. Deep down I knew Quebec was a mini France but I'd never really thought they actually spoke Frog. I mean, we were in the middle of North America where they speak English. Or as close to it as they're ever likely to get, yet here we were, surrounded by french speakers. The good news is, unlike native French, they know how to queue. Which is just as well because if there's one thing I hate about skiing, apart from the aching legs, sore back and frostbite is queuing. Especially when it's cold. And it is. The temperature difference between here and the boat is forty to forty five degrees centigrade. I'm like the baby polar bear who keeps asking his dad if he really is a polar bear. " Dad, dad. Are you sure I'm a polar bear?"
"Of course you are son. You're all white fur. You've got big white furry claws and a big white nose. What makes you think you might not be a polar bear?"
"Cause I'm F-F-F FREEZING."
Minus ten yesterday on the slopes. The only guy out there skiing with six layers of Wonderful Indonesia T-shirts and still chilled to the marrow.
Wouldn't it be nice if we had a wee boat in the sunshine?
Happy Christmas, or indeed, Joyeux Noel to all our readers.