Wild Blue Yonder

10 th aug
this is the second night in cadboro bay now. heading to pedder bay tomorrow to pick up moe for the trip to uclulet on sat/sun. i went to the chandler today by bus to pick up some supplies for the ever troublesome water maker. i had a mystery present itself on the way from montague harbour to tsehum harbour. i ran the watermaker for 2 hours trying to fill my tanks to the brim. the gauge was reading almost full when i shut it down. i checked the gauge in the morning, wed morning, and low and behold the tanks were half empty. great, now it seems i have a leak somewhere. so i pull all the tools out of the bilge access and have a look. no water….where did the water go??? the mystery baffled me. no leak. but just to be sure i ripped apart the cabin for the millionth time to access the water fill pipe and test the water maker to make sure it was actually making water. everything checked out and the mystery deepend. im pulling my hair out trying to figure it out and the best i can come up with is that i had a tap running or some pump was pumping over board. in any case i decide to “upgrade “ the fill system. thus the parts from the marine store. i finish the upgrade and return the cabin to its togetherness. ready to go.
ive been sitting here planning the trip to pedder and further to uclulet. i am filled with anxiety and cant seem to understand why. i feel like an imposter. like im not really up for this sport. like, what was i thinking. i am wondering if i have made the right choices and wondering if im prepared. im obsessing about every little problem that i have yet to address and i dont have any time left. this is actually happening and i feel like im not in control. then i realize that its the moment when i am absolutely leaving the world of familiarity, the world ive grown comfortable with, the people ive grown to love, and my family. tears are in my eyes. i miss you all already and i havent even left yet. i am entering a world of unknowns. everything from this moment on is something new and and exciting and potentially hazardous. i will have to make new friends. i will have to learn new languages. i will have to find new ways of feeding myself , all my friends and family that took care of me are being left behind. i will have to find ways of keeping my vessel afloat above all else. i just have doubts about my ability to do all this by myself. fortunately i have the best crew onboard for the first leg, the most daunting leg, the leg that conjures the fear and anxiety. thank you moe and laurie and thank you all my family and my dear friends.
well im all fed up now. just finished dinner and it turns out i can actually feed myself. maybe not as good as some of my peeps ,and you know who you are, but i will survive. im feeling better already. but i have this uncontrollable urge to look at the charts. just one more time before dark. might have missed something.